The Journal of Palin Deathholder
by Dragon Ladysupreme
Summary: It's been about a year since I started. A year since that day that my family had continued their betrayal and tried to finish me off. A year since I returned the gratitude they had shown me. One of the characters of Chaos Chronicles keeps a journal.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer** - As much as one would like, a fan fiction can never be written by the owner of the subject of material. As such, I also do not own much more than Aya and Nekheny. The mention of the Spear of Destiny belongs to Marjorie, also known as Kodomo no Hikari upon this site. Harry Potter, taking away publishers and distribution companies, belongs to J.K. Rowling, who I hope is having a wonderful time with her new child. While not present yet, I shall state now that Yami no Matsuei belongs to Yoko Matsushita. Cardcaptors (Card Captor Sakura, US release) belongs to CLAMP. Yu Yu Hakusho, past publishing and animation companies, is the property of Mr Togashi. Lastly, this is a side-fiction to Chaos Chronicles: The Beginning of the End, written originally by Kodomo no Hikari, with recent co-authoress Dragon Ladysupreme. This disclaimer stands throughout the written piece, and not just in this chapter. Further disclaimers shall occur upon new elements which may or may not be occuring.

(_Bows gracefully to her readers_) I realize that the current disclaimer is a tad wordy, though hopefully covers everything. As mentioned above, this is a side-fic to Chaos Chronicles, which is a story arc focusing around a legend altered by a friend of mine. Along the way of the story's life, I had slowly submitted more input within the chapters. It went from a simple character and reviews, to helping the authoress with slipping in some flavor with another chapter. That grew into beta-reading and kicking her ass to update a little more, and soon ended up to aiding with the development of the story's newest chapters events. In the latest chapter, That Night, I was officially labelled as the co-authoress. It's a wonderful story, and hopefully this comes out right. Just replace the # with the proper slash, and the ! with a period.

http:www!fanfiction!net#s#1473612#1

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**Warning**: This, instead of a work in third person, is a journal. It will hold crude mentionings of torture, murder, and genocide if you wish to call that. Sexual content is on minimal description, but is implied. Not suitable for the younger readers, hence the rating. It is not for the faint of heart, and in the character's personal view of events expressed via written word.

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July 30th  
Entry #1 

It's been about a year since I started; A year since that day my family had continued their betrayal, and tried to finish me off; A year since I returned the gratitude they had shown me. They're eldest, yet adopted, daughter who just so happened to be what they hated the most. Over the previous 14 years, I had endured the tortures and animosity shamans held towards the demon-kind.

A war, which had been going on many centuries, between two kinds of beings. One, a type of human which embraced its own branch of magic. The other, a different race which prided itself in power. How it started, all the legends remain unclear, though the hatred now seems to be permanent within both bloods. Though I consider this to be much like how mafia family rivalries start; A misunderstanding, and misplacement of blame towards a single tragedy.

I wasn't allowed, but the books were available while I was recovering in the cold basement. Books on how one treated the other during the war. It had to be written by a shaman, with how they were constantly set as the good guys. Psh, as if there was such thing as a good guy, or hero, in these kind of battles and wars. Demons held a quick, yet brutal, style of killing the shamans since then. Though shamans mainly protected their way, something remained out of the books. Something I knew, and experienced even now, without realizing it. When coming across an infant demon-child, the shaman family would take in and adopt that child as if it were a blessing. Well, that's what the public were to believe. Once old enough to survive, talismans which burn the skin, and leave electric pulses of pain inside the body for hours, are used. When it's time that they head to school, charms and spells of glamour are used to hide the welts and gashes set in. Back in the beginning, a bale of hay was the child's bed. Now it was the thinnest of blankets and mats along the ground, as if that were a huge gift to the inhumane creature. Christmas is the time the child knows that they would receive the gift of not being punished as badly as the other days. That was when I thought my unknown knowledge to be fairy tales. Ones to keep the kids from misbehaving, instead of actual truth. Such terrible things they'd do, and I blamed myself for what I did, though not knowing what, and accepted such treatment.

What was worse is that he or she was never told of why, not knowing they are demon-blood, so thought they had been doing something wrong the whole time. How could I have misssed that part, and not connect it to my own situation?

I would know of the treatment, from the years I spent under those who I thought were my family. Not unique, but one of the many children taken from their family, due to a shaman killing the parents, and punished because I was alive. It was on my 15th birthday, as one of the other, stronger, spells started to shatter. The pain of every muscle being ripped out of my body to turn into it's true form. I was scared, thinkingI would die then right in that basement I called my room. Salty tears having covered the sweat of my fear-induced shaking. I felt different, almost freed, but still in pain, wanting to ask those whom I believed were my parents. It was a feeling one could never forget so easily. Still, words will never do it justice.

Oh, they offered to console me, and help the pain stop. I accepted it, thinking they'd actually do what parents normally did to make their children feel better; What they did when the girl I believed to be my younger sister when she scraped her knee, or got bad grades. It was the last straw. When they tried to use that knife with a killer's intent, I had enough of it. The strength I suddenly held, despite feeling so weak... It was amazing.

I wanted revenge. Do anything for it, just so they knew how I suffered. Blood boiling, for the first time that I was sick of accepting the fact that I could have done something wrong for all those scars upon my body.

I showed them.

Though injured myself, my own state of mind was torn enough to pass it off as a minor technicality. I knew that much on some level, however, treatments would be important. Though there was no way in the worlds that I would do so as these terrible people still breathed.. First I went for my dear father, who taught my sister the talismans to use on me if I got in her way. I watched, learned, but never practiced. I wasn't allowed to practice before, for obvious reasons. So I did, for the first time, on him. Using every little thing that he had taught in front of me, and those spells in those books I wasn't to touch. It was so strange, with how Mom and Sister's screams only made my grin grow wider. Pathetic, though, that he died before I got to try every spell. They allowed me rest after a while, having those previous years to practice. Then it was mother's turn, who I thought deserved the worse. Which meant, that her torture was to watch Sissy's death come about. Oh how my claws loved being coated with that heated liquid.

That was when I noticed a few of the new features. Claws, fangs, things that really weren't human. I still had one person left, and she'd give the answers I demanded. Each time I asked a question, and she refused to answer, or lied, I bit off my Sister's finger and spit it at Mom's feet. Sure, the scream was loud and ear-shattering, but this was well worth it. It took the longest of times, as the second day rolled by, but I learned a lot more about who I was.

Shinimori, that was their name, and I needed it to get around still. Aya was what I've had long before coming into their household. Well, not long, as I was still an infant when adopted, but remained the only part of my birth name left in tact. She told me of the spell to keep myself in the human form, and about demon limiters; I was already placed with one, which obviously broke from time and built up energy.

Finishing my passed out 'sister' off, it was time to deal with this woman's physical torture after so much mental strain. I used the cruelest of ideas. Skinning, and working on the autopsy before she actually died. Though passed out by the time I ripped open those ribs, her heart was still beating, though faintly, as I held it in my red-stained hand. This was what it felt like to get revenge, I thought then, but only realized moments after. It wasn't finished, and I'd never feel complete. They weren't the only ones, and I wasn't the only victim of this death sentence. It was time to finish my work, and make them feel a kind version of what they put on my own type of people. Though I never knew before that day that I was just like those kids in the book, it felt like they deserved their own vengeance.

So it took 2 more days before I was out. A new illusion spell up and limiter to keep myself looking like humans. To travel without stares, like the good soldier I was. Was I a soldier? I still asked myself when writing this entry, and have yet to come up with an answer.

I held my adopted parent's books, which held locations of shamanic settlements. Well, they were towns, a city or two, and a few villas. All around the world, to use upon my own purposes. So I started with the closest place in New York, and worked on from there. Killing off all of the shaman's I could. Who cared about gender or age? Sometimes, my bloody rage got to the point that I felt that the pets were tainted, and took them out of pity. Not as excruciating as the treatment I gave my 'family,' but they were in pain when dieing. Never did I use my human form, not wanting that exposed, but the true form which was hidden among the civilians remained Aya Shinimori. The demon which continued to slaughter those monsters who call themselves shamans, well... They ended up giving that side of me a name; Palin Deathholder. Who was I to argue such a name?

About a couple of months that I started, one of the biggest challenges came about. Most of the village was like the rest of the Shaman's I had come across. Though one family used all of their strength, damaging me long enough to have myself go in human form to a clinic for treatment, claiming I was attacked by some gang. It seemed like they had more than their lives to protect, and they honestly did. Powerful, to hide that which was greater. Such an amazing item, it called out to me and my blood thirst. One of the dying shaman's claimed a demon such as myself would never wield the important item. Something about houses, or something, which I didn't understand through the blood he started to choke on. Humph, out of spite I just picked it up and used the sharp end to end his life by piercing through that skull.

It rang through, and accepted the self-appointed quest I set out for myself. The power within it was something I embraced. This wasn't just some spear, but another part of me that I came to consider it not too long after. With us, the quest went even faster. Though now the word was coming out a lot more, and a few shamans dared to come after me instead, to protect their kind. Blood upon blood mixed on my hands. Though I'd appear normal, no one would see how stained I was in what they called sin.

Everything has a price. I accepted that.

Though this was a year ago, that everything started. I thought this item which I had bonded with had given all that it needed to. Till today, when the strangest thing came about. I was licking off the last of the red spicy liquid from the buffalo wings before this amazing tawny owl flew right down in front of me. What, I can't live off of blood, I needed something to eat! Though the owl wasn't any stranger than the purpose it seemed to seek me out for. Picking up the letter, the fowl took off once again, as I read to whom it was for.

_To the Spear of Destiny's Caretaker  
The 3rd table outside the Beorn's Pub  
Barnsley, Yorkshire S71 2JQ  
England_

This alone caught my attention. Before then, I had not known what exactly my precious partner was called, but knew this had to be directed towards myself. What else would they be referring to? Unless a man suddenly was gifted with a spear to create one's destiny. By the gods, like I would believe that. Any ways, that owl knew who it was handing the letter to. Upon looking within the thick envelopes contents, an eyebrow raised. Well, they weren't shamans, and this seemed like a good way to catch a break. What better way than to learn something in the process?

Either way, finally having gotten this, I decided it was time to finally try and act like another person. Come up with precautions, and other problems. However, this is when I decided it was time to start the journal.

Over my quest for blood, I now realize how scarred, nicked and torn my soul is. Every place, every day, that I shed blood, my spirit's been chipped away. Slowly from the humanity that I developed, over believing what I was, it was disappearing. The only thing I was relating to was the more carnal of desires people held. It definitely explained why I couldn't help myself, and people I didn't know called me a pervert, or nymphomaniac. It's time to try and claim back which I was paying for in this conquest, and with the words sealed within these snake-covered bindings and protection, I gain a little which I was lost, or am allowed the illusion of such. Though I know I would never be the same, as if I would have actually liked that, it would at least help me connect once again. Maybe gain some people I could call friends. Though never having one, they looked like a nice thing to have. A little less paranoia stirring within me, and some actual...

Now what was that word... Come on, help me here. Oh, yes! Trust. I came across that as well in books and conversations. Though I still believe that trust is an impossibility, those still have been known to happen. And now, when I feel something more than what I had before, as if something big is to happen. The letter, and these dreams which I have trouble remembering. It's all connected, and heading to this Hogwarts was the best choice. I knew it, not only because of my tainted and biased instincts, but from the resonance that my partner, the Spear of Destiny, held.

So I will be using the money taken from these attacks over the year, and my own family's funds. Use that to start some account with the strange monetary system these Wizards will no doubt have, and prepare for school.

Wow... I'm actually heading to a school again. Never thought that could happen again. This will definitely be quite the experience. In the meantime, my friend, you will be my savior. Every time my crystallized heart believes it's time to pour out the events and thoughts within you, I shall fill these yellow pages. There is time, and no doubt I would end up finishing you up, and still not have quenched my need for some feeling of salvation in the written word. However, this is why I have been known to write small, and you are of a decent size with your own thin lines.

Adieu,  
Aya.

August 6th  
Entry #2

A week has passed. Yes, longer than most people when it comes to updating journals. I spent most of it heading to London to figure out this Diagon Alley, which was a new thing completely. Sure, getting to the city was one thing, but finding the place to come to and getting to this alley in itself was a new experience. It was, by all things, a tavern which most people had been going by as if it hadn't existed. By the appearance of the aura around the place, that was exactly the issue. Whatever the difference, they didn't see just what I had at the time. When having come in, a few people gave some wary stares, I noticed. The bald, or balding, man however seemed to greet me politely enough. So, considering I was obviously new, he had helped me access Diagon Alley.

Naturally, I wasn't pleased when he told me I needed to get a wand. My partner spear was enough for my needs, but a wand! Ayia, I couldn't complain just yet over something small. Wands, though seemingly meaningless, could be a very interesting experience. First thing was the bank, which was Gringotts according to that tavern owner. Never thought I'd see a goblin, much less a whole staff of them, after reading about the creatures in my 'parents'' books.

The air seemed so crisp and clean, despite the fact that England was naturally a muggy place with lots of rain. These creatures, no, beings, were very intelligent despite those folk tales. I had the money and funds that were with me converted, and stashed up in a new account. They, finding I was considered a newbie, explained the gold system and examples of how much things were. Prices, honestly, were very well balanced from what I had and how they changed it all.

The next stop, after asking a lady who owned an ice cream parlor, was Ollivander's. Okay, I was a bit tricky on wands. Ambidextrous, and someone that many of the wands didn't take a liking to. With the length of my hands, it came out to the higher numbers on wand lengths. I asked him, curious on the meanings, what the point of the wood types and cores were about. With the olive, well Russian-Olive to be more specific, it was apparently to represent those who were in pursuit of hidden knowledge, insight, inspiration, and ideal for spells of communication. I guess that made sense, though it seemed strange still. He seemed rather uncomfortable to discuss the purpose of the core, but said that it was key in it's choosing of me, as much as the wood type or length. Though what else which made it best, was the part that I felt granted my new possession a great protection. Even when around shamans, you learned the purpose of a Quartz, and it's strength. Though a clear quartz, it'd always be considered amethyst by the pale amount of purple within it's hue. With this, I knew that it had to do with helping focus using your third eye, the crown chakra. Providing strength, stability, and peace, this crystal was best in calming one's energy and balance all of your chakra. The more I learned, the more this item seemed to connect with me.

Okay, it was a bit pricey, but apparently best for me. I mean, like the Spear, it chose me. I guess this was considered the best of all things in which I had received. Robes, books, and other items had to be purchased. Some just to do some crash course to learn up on. I could understand a good amount, just by comparing it to what 'father' was teaching the girl I thought to be my sister. I know I can do this, and being around all these different people, I feel more confident in handling Hogwarts. Despite the growing feeling of something foreknowing, I am actually excited.

Now was the issue of getting a place to stay. Finding random guys to sleep with for a bed was my usual method, though know it seemed best that I try a more honest method. No one would hire a 16-year-old to work for a place to stay till this train I was supposed to head to, and using my galleons and such was another thing that I'd rather not do. Though quickly I was realizing that I had little to no choice.

With so much stuff, I went back to the tavern to at least rent 1 room out for the night, till I figured out what I was to do. He seemed kind, and understanding from years of similar situations occurring. So, instead of saying that their situations weren't similar enough, the room was accepted as I brought my current supplies up before leaving. Though the purchased wand was something I didn't want to leave. Needed it for getting back and forth.

The day was waning, I knew that, and also knew that I had time before having to head off to this train. There's always this one compulsion to finish as much as I could, instead of waiting till the last minute. What if what I required wasn't there tomorrow! According to this list, I required more supplies for potions, robes, a broom and a familiar. Why would I need a broom? Did they consider I was a wi- Oh yeah, that was what female magic-users were here. I liked Asia better, where everyone was called an onmyouji, without separating by the genders.

So yeah, I went out and saw how busy the robe shops were. Instead, I decided to head off towards this Magical Menagerie which held quite the assortment of pets. Though not as much of a range that I had hoped for, I remembered itching to try out a new method. It couldn't hurt, right? I mean, it was only for choosing an familiar. They were apparent in all branches of magic I learned, from the year of traveling with real-life experience. So if I was meant to get a familiar to help me along this, I'd be able to reach out for it's own energy. Not to take or alter, but to recognize and connect with on some level beyond the others. It took a little while of walking, trying to get a good hold on the energies around here, past blocking out the noise. After a while, however, I had been able to stop at this one beautiful creature.

Okay, I know what one would say. Only an owner would consider a creature 'beautiful' despite it's true appearance. Maybe that was true, but I couldn't help but want to take this gorgeous predator with me. A falcon was perfect, relating this predatory bird to Horus. I wanted to name her Nekheny, which was something I picked up on a computer, meaning Flacon. The Eye of Horus was based on protection, I think, which somehow made me wish to purchase this wondrous Merlin Flacon. Oh gods, how many of these connections was I going to run in to? Merlin, of all things they'd call a pigeon hawk, which was a falcon, had to have 'Merlin' in front.

Best suited for these areas. Though I doubt I'd need her for something so degrading as letter carrying, she'd be a wonderful companion. I could see it in those dark brown eyes that there was a great amount of intellect hidden from the world. Though of a black and whitish spotted underbelly and neck, I knew she'd be better with me, rather than stuck in cage. Despite the warnings of falcons being rather aggressive, I had purchased Nekheny, along with the proper hood, mask, and food. Though now she is out of the cage feasting on a small animal, some how I know to trust her to not run away. She'll come back, despite what was said. Something in my mind and chest said so.

It's been a long day today, I know that much, but now it's time to close you up. I'm going to be trying out these charms first, before heading off to bed. Tomorrow, just in case I decide not to write again for a little, I'd probably finish up my supply-shopping, and figure out more with what I'm doing. The train doesn't come till September 1st, according to the letter, and I'm planning on sending out this reply tomorrow, giving them my actual name. Doubt they'd appreciate having me on the roster as 'Spear of Destiny's Caretaker' despite the subtle ring to it all.

Oh right, I almost forgot. Actually, I did, but am starting to remember a little of it now that I'm about ready for a night-cap. The last couple of nights, I've been having similar reoccurring dreams. Something about a train, and demons much like myself. Sure, I've come across a few over the year, but nothing like this. A few in my travels were able to help me visit the place I was supposedly from. Though this was in Asia, tracking down a lead before heading on to South Korea where another village was. Makai... Damn, that air stunk, but I luckily survived. That was proof, apparently, that I was demon, as if there was a doubt. Okay, maybe a little.

Oops... Guess I got distracted again. It happens a lot, which Nekheny had picked up on pretty quickly. Either way, the dream. It was scattered on what I remember. The train, demons attacking, people fighting, darkness and light. Something big was going on, but I don't know if it was meaning something, or those jalapeno's that I had those nights. One thing I do remember clearly enough was me trying to hug the floor and send out energy into the train. Why, I don't know, and what for was a mystery either. Oh! Oh, oh... I also remember that there was a cute guy or two in my dream. Though what they look like for real, I can't recall, the fact that they were cute was enough to convince me.

Ah well, till next time.

Adieu,  
Aya.

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**End Note: ** Congratulations, you have survived the first chapter. Each one will have a minimum of 2 entries, and not just for length. This will remain within the plot of Chaos Chronicles, and never go ahead of that fanfiction's development. I apologize for the lengthy introduction of notes before, and if the business manner held scared you. Normally, I'm not so 'frigid' or whatever one would wish to call it. 

Edit: I fixed up the first entry, which required necessary edits. Hope it helps some areas be understood more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** In the former chapter, I had spent a whole paragraph, 10 sentences to be exact, describing the legal specifications of this fanfiction. I was clear, and have not changed my mind, in it standing for the remainder of this story. That includes this chapter as well. Oh, yes, if you wanted to get technical... Upoon reading this document, online or otherwise, you have agreed to accept this as a work of a fan, and surrender all rights to sue for copyright, racial, or harrassment reasons.

A thanks to those who've reviewed. I won't go into anything individually, due to the site's rules, but I am giving a general thanks. It's really appreciated. To the others; I hope that I didn't scare you away that last chapter. Seriously... Come back That lawyer-ish speak was just for props! I would never use it in any other reason. Oh, and as a side-note on movies... I suggest Serenity for all you people out there.

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**Warning**: This, instead of a work in third person, is a journal. It will hold crude mentionings of torture, murder, and genocide if you wish to call that. Sexual content is on minimal description, but is implied. Not suitable for the younger readers, hence the rating. It is not for the faint of heart, and in the character's personal view of events expressed via written word. (_Added_) Themes, innuendos, and what some may consider racial slurs may be crossed upon. It's within your best interest to only read on, should you acknowledge and accept said warnings.

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August 7th  
Entry #3

Sometimes I've been wondering what it was that brought me to England, and how my plans were changed so much from the original score. From New York, I was to stay along the top half of the America's, not going lower than the D.C. line but going all the way up to Canada. Sticking to the fact that there were more populated shamanic areas, rather than scattered homes in suburbs and the cities. From that, I went on towards the West coast, and basically going in a zig-zag pattern. At least, till I went from the middle of California, to the southern areas of Japan. Which prefecture was it...? Oh, right, I stopped in Okinawa, which had a nice beach. From there, after continuing my business, I decided to head north. Japan... I think I spent an unusual amount of time there; about a month, really. Not because of the shamans, but from something which caught my interest.

_ Onmyouji,_who worked to keep balance. I had run into a few, while visiting a temple. Alright, it seems somewhat ironic that I, a demon, had entered a temple. They found it strange as well, and seemed to know what I was, but didn't attack. Those looks, however, kept me uneasy. That eventually led to me staying there and learning more about onmyoujitsu, which seemed amazing. The style and purpose was to keep balance within nature, and summon sprites and the sorts for magic and a lot more. That, and I've learned a lot more about energy, or _ki_ as they had called it. It still puzzled me on why they had continued to teach, despite the obvious differences.

After a while, I eventually was going to head on with my quest, which they had yet to learn about. Before leaving, once again the question went up, and the head tutor had given quite a surprising answer. No matter what one was, they held a purpose in keeping the balance of nature in things. Directing me up to actually reach Tokyo, right to a cave, I was to learn more a lot more on myself. Well, he didn't order it, but seeing how one set such a huge field of curiosity in my mind, it seemed like there was no choice.

The cave's tunnels seemed mostly destroyed and filled with plants that had grown in the area. A maze within, I only had the key of scent to guide me through the paths. It led me towards an open and very closed up area with a portal. The portal itself, however, seemed blocked with a gate upon it. Stepping through, immediately the stink had thrown me back. The world itself was so different from the earth I was on before. Almost immediately, I was also stuck upon a fight where I learned that killing and fighting shamans was something completely different from fighting demons. They weren't all stupid; just those who were too weak to do anything other than follow orders. Those I had been able to get out of my way but not without the illusion breaking once more. The glamor gone, scars and signs of talismans having been used, brought the leader to stop the assault. After all, I wasn't a human like he had thought.

There, I was stuck for almost 2 months, learning and training even more. I didn't realize how much I didn't know about myself and my own kind. There were so many different kinds of demons, and levels, and what separated everyone. Those under A class were able to travel back and forth, as they had reached both sides of the gate without unnecessary enemies following along. Not only that, but I learned how to use and hide my energy levels. According to my temporary teacher, it was key in keeping the fights down to a minimum, if desired. Not only that, but a huge separation between those who I have known and these demons came up. Here, while you couldn't trust anyone, there was an unwritten code of honor. Giving one's word was important, but you had to make sure they are giving their word on what you think they were, or else it'd be something of a trick. Few broke such given promises, unlike humans, but few had also given them.

At the end of my 'visit,' I hadn't learned much more on my own kind out of the many different demons. Upon a new gate to the human world, I left on good standing with my temporary mentor, and appeared in the western areas of Europe. It took a while to re-plan the strategy, on where to head to now. Though I decided to deal with those in the countries near me, and head off towards Scotland, Ireland, England and that nice little area.

Now, I'm suddenly stuck in the wizarding world, trying to cram 5 years of studies in less than a month to avoid looking like an idiot in front of others. With what I wrote above, I had decided to at least write a little more on the plans I held, just to get it out of my head. While in this place called Hogwarts, I had to act like Aya Shinimori, the human student. If that was to work, I'd have to get as much of Palin Deathholder out and into these pages as possible. That is also why I put so many spells, charms and enchantments upon your binding and pages. This alone is a confessional, and would be the main link to both sides of my own coin. Should anyone look into this... I don't want to think of what could happen. So the spell, to turn the pages blank upon anyone's eyes who don't hold my permission to look inside, was necessary. Not to mention the special lock, which was activated by the words _'these words are my salvation.'_ Among the magical protection, I also went with something else. When buying books yesterday, I had also purchased Hogwarts, A History. Carving the proper sized hole along the inside, it makes a very convenient container, and disguised as a normal book, no one would touch it.

With more recent events, I've been mostly studying up on these chapters while having officially rented out the room in this tavern till the train comes in. Mainly Charms, which I seem to be having trouble with. Mainly, it's the words I have to say, but otherwise I think I can get it alright. Transfiguration isn't too difficult if I can get past the Charms books. What gets to me most, however, is that I'd never look at an animal or goblet the same. Turning animals into cups seems like something so stupid, and unnecessary, but has also given me quite an idea for you, my friend. Though trying would risk Nekheny actually hunting and eating you, then she'd end up ill, probably.

Potions was surprisingly simple for me, though I do have an idea on why. Back in school, over science classes, I always had a knack for the subjects. Especially when it came to chemistry, and home economics. Potions wasn't too different, if you knew how to read and measure ingredients and to cut them up right.

Around the afternoon, however, Nekheny had kept me from studying as much as I had wanted to. Though the window remains open, the falcon was persistent in me allowing her to leave, by saying she could go out verbally. After she left, I tried to get back to the books, but found myself distracted once again. This time by my stomach, which thought itself hungry. Heh, it'd just have to wait. I wont eat till I get past, at the least, the 3rd year in most of these subjects. It's a lot of work, but with that determination, I couldn't take too long.

Before closing up this entry, there's something else bugging me. Once again, last night, I had that recurring dream. The train, me hugging its floor, and the constant dangers in the scenes. Still unable to remember what they looked like, the fact that there were cute guys kept with me up. What sucks the most is that I know nothing more will be remembered till the time it's actually happening. These dreams, while normally showing exactly what happens, don't let me remember till the moments they occur in real life. It's started before I had the Spear of Destiny, but since my companion had appeared, they've grown a tad more... vivid to say the least.

Adieu,  
_Aya_

August 14th  
Entry #4

My lip has been bitten raw, I think. How can one tell, I always wondered. I wouldn't have known otherwise. One isn't cooked while alive, so technically the whole body is raw. Or maybe it's just some strange state we don't actually realize that's even fresher than normal?

Either way, it's been bitten till sore and nearly bleeding. Why, however, I almost don't understand. It's been only 15 days since I've received the letter, and since then I've been busy. Yet there's this quenching need for something that I haven't done. It'll be a problem, considering that I'll be cut off from my needs for at least months before a vacation allows me to wander for some short time. Unless... Well, there could be possibilities to slip into the accursed Forbidden Forest, which I glanced through over the period of shredding the middle of pages. Of course, I'd avoid the precious creatures, but the more dangerous ones may not be missed. Right?

Still, it doesn't change the fact that, like some addict, I went cold turkey. With this, I let myself into a rut over gaining a higher need to kill something. Despite the fact that I don't want blood on my hands, the lack of such a scene puts me into a state of desperation. I'm glad my newer companion, Nekheny, was able to sense this and fly off with my reply to Hogwarts, otherwise I'd be fearing for her safety.

In relations to my studies, things have gotten to a point where I could relate the procedures and spells to what I have already known from the past, and the recent books that have been finished. At least, enough that I was able to allow myself some food and sleep to avoid passing out, and staying unconscious till September rolled by.

It looks like I won't be putting in a lot of space with this entry. It happens, right? So I guess I'll just state what I plan to do, and summarize tomorrow, or something. My address books say there's a young man who's a shaman in London. If I check this out, maybe I'll not only have a night away from this tavern, but also have quenched my thirst for blood.

Are there any AK's around? Like... Anonymous Killers or something. That'd be beyond perfect for me; especially now. On the other hand, unlike AA meetings, this is about illegal happenings. It'd end up just as a setup to catch us. Bah, it'd never work, which means I'd have to find some other way to handle myself.

Adieu,  
_Aya_

August 15th  
Entry #5

Last night...

It didn't go as well as I planned. I guess I was too far in my need of blood shed. With that, I ended up careless, and now my shoulder was as good as shot. Maybe I could try to explain it to someone, like I got hit by the Knight Bus these people in Diagon Alley continue to mutter about. On the brighter side, I not only was able to kill that man, but he also seemed to have a wife and a child. I checked, and noticed it was a young demon-child, and not one of their own. It was too young to have the talismans used on his skin.

Now these are the times that I truly know I'm supposed to do this. No matter how damned I make myself, these other children who were about to come across the same fate as myself to be saved... Well, that makes it better. Having cleaned out the place, and also grabbing some essentials for the child, I came back to the room around midnight to have Nekheny send something out to one of my friends. It wasn't much, but I did have a few people who would help me out when some of the kids are rescued.

This morning, I dropped the boy off, who'd go under something like rehabilitation. With the age so young, and nothing more than neglect being offered before, such a thing wouldn't last long. After the limiters and glamor charms are broken, they'd go about finding out what type of demon he is, and find someone to raise him. Who said youkai didn't hold soft places in their hearts? Sure, I could care less when it comes to most humans, but kids and other demons...

Bah. For a mass murderer, I could really be one heck of a softy. Sometimes it takes something like this for me to realize it.

At the same time, I continue to harbor worries over this upcoming school year. Since _that_ day, I've been away from all forms of an actual school. Yes, occasionally there has been a few mentors to help me along, not seeming to know what I held in my mind, but it wasn't a school. No mass amounts of other students, and teachers. What if I was wrong in thinking there were separate rooms for everyone? Glancing through the same book I destroyed to help hide you, it mentioned dorms back then. Of course things could've changed, but what if it remained the same? I'd have to try and deal with hiding these burns and scars around others, who'd expect me to change around them. Hell, living in the same room, I'd have to be up on my guard constantly alert. The idea of having questions raised about these marks scares me more than I thought it would. Judgment, over something I feel was beyond my control, and them taunting even when the glamor was up. Being back in school, in general, scares me.

These subjects only strengthen my urge to try them all out. Grab a young adult, strap them down, and try this transfiguration book's lessons on him. It couldn't be too hard, and if failed, would provide some amusement.

No, I can't think on this. By the gods, if I'm already thinking and gaining the urge to try this out on someone, how am I supposed to handle 10 months of classes? I'm worried, and don't want to get caught or made fun of. I had enough of that before.

'Sissy' was the good daughter in the family. Popular, pretty (thanks to those glamor charms) and meant to have better grades. No one realized that it was only because I was beaten if getting a single point above her own average. I hated it, and was hating myself for allowing it to happen. Even then, I didn't blame those people I thought were my parents. Instead, I continued to blame myself, which increased the self-hatred that was only growing. That, somehow, my little sister was supposed to, and deserved, to be treated better and have better grades. That I did something to be considered worse than dirt. Not that it changed when I finally stood up for myself, oh no. I still hate myself, and hold blame, but now for different things. Like, it was my fault for never standing up for myself, and accepting what they did without question. So much that I end up punishing myself, it seems. Reopening scars and burns... Not caring, because the glamor would just hide it all.

Now I'll have to keep it up, possibly… constantly. Just as long as I'm around other people. Of course, if there's something like gym where we have to change into different clothes, I can change in a bathroom or something, but there'd never be any relief from hiding every part of me.

Thinking about it now just makes me want to... To... UGH!

I've read and heard about what hiding could do to a person. What else could such huge secrets cause? These people will be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, trying to avoid taking showers at the same time as them, and... I shouldn't be stressing out about this. What happens, happens, and I can't change that. Though, maybe, I could at least be prepared. These are those times I wonder how those superheroes the other kids talk about live. I mean, they have to live double lives, and switch even more. Not even that, but also live actual lives the best they could. Friends, family, jobs, and school, to all be balanced with that of their other being.

However, when I think about it, I was more of the 'super villain,' if anything else. Yet, they never have to live a double life most of the time. They go with the cliché 'destroy/conquer the world' gist, and leave any other bother to the minions. Instead, I have the plan to wipe out a whole branch of magic in revenge, and vengeance, over what they've done to demons and their own children. No minions, no assistance, and I definitely wasn't surrendering the identity I've lived with for so long.

So, maybe, I'm more like a serial killer than a super villain. I mean, they live double lives, to avoid being caught by the authorities. I just do that on a grander scale, and don't have to worry about disappointing my family. Hell, I killed those who I thought was my family, and most likely they were best friends with my blood's killer, or killers. If these were Alchemists, and not Shamans, I'd have used the excuse of equivalent exchange. Unfortunately I get those who claim to know what's best for the earth and her land, or whatever, and destroy the perfect balance that was created. Okay, no one will read this, but that's why I'm going to write it anyways;

_ Power to those alchemists. You totally 'pwn' the other magical branches._

So, now I've ranted worries over a double life, and barely went over any plans... Certainly this isn't all the bitching that I'm capable of, is it? Nah, too much angst and all that other wonderful emo-stuff that plagues the world. Hell, no one will care if I write like one. Especially when I plan to burn the book before I'd allow it to be found by another.

What else could I get off my chest? Going to an English school, no doubt people are going to question my name. Tease the last name, use the short given name as if it holds relevance to my intelligence. Things which are beyond my control could actually result in the bane of my existence. Not like I haven't heard the 'best' of 'em all. 'Shinimori? You mean Shit-on-me?' or how about the ever 'clever' remark about 'not finding a simpler name than Aya for me to spell.' It's not as if I'm not used to such witty remarks, if you note that sarcasm. However, I do hold an explanation, to explain my name yet American accent.

Those whom I had called my parents hold a Japanese background, but were always raised in upstate New York. Thus, we'll say they're Japanese American (and proud!) despite the possibility of them just having been moved there at a young age. Ethnicity remained the same, and despite my height, they kept that tradition with me. (Wow, something remaining equal in the adoption. There are miracles!) So, despite not being a 'pure blood' as they'd have liked, the old ways stuck through. Apparently they didn't want to explain why someone, who was legally their daughter, had a completely different family name than everyone else.

Should the mention of my sister arise, or slip out to cause questions, an explanation remained for that even. Simply the fact that she wasn't as well equipped with the goods for magic-use, I came alone. Not only that, but should any further inquiry come through, it'll be completely true if I said that I was the only one in the family whom had been invited to Hogwarts.

No one is ever that curious, though. It's an impossibility, even for a cat-demon. The probability of my dead family, or even why my name stood out. In fact, I bet there are those from Japan, or of 'foreign' heritage in the school. I have more worries than a middle-aged man who's reached bankruptcy and has to find a way to feed his 3 kids after the wife had died.

Wow... I just turned morbid. Didn't expect that at all, today. Who would've thought that a killer could turn into someone whom shocked themselves over creating an imaginary, yet seen in everyday-life, situation about another family. Thinking about it, however, I could always pretend they were shamans, and stick in me killing them. Nah, that'd ruin the effect of comparison, probably. I mean, sure, it could equal the amount of worries a little more, but I don't need to insert myself into a fake situation.

Alright, this entry is starting to get more lengthy than I had anticipated. Closing up these pages, I'll slip in my plans for the rest of the day. Who knows? I may end up writing again tomorrow, or even the day after. I could get into a serious roll, and insert something every day soon enough. It'll replace the whole 'killing addiction' that I've been working on.

Anyways, I'll just close up after these last few things. After closing up, I'm determined to get through this book of Charms that'll need to be understood. It's been bothering me for a while. I don't care if I dream and sleep-talk about swish and flicking. That chapter will be finished, with my able to complete the spells at least properly. Hell, I don't expect to be perfect at these, but at least able to perform the spells to avoid looking like some idiot would be nice. There are still about 4 more chapters, but one seems to be dedicated towards one or two spells, instead of a series of related ones. This will, at least, get me finished with Charms on those first four years. History of Magic is boring enough, and I've learned a good part of it before in the basement. Hell, if they go into shamans, I'm part of those stupid books, if they've been updated. Okay, I'm more like current events, but no one else seemed to have went into a killing spree like this before.

I swear, if they did put me in a book, and relate my work to Hitler, there are going to be heads rolling. Maybe not literally, but who knows? I just hate being related to that guy.

Either way, I've only been skimming through the history books, due to how much concentration and memorization goes into such a class. This way, I get a faint idea, should events be brought up again in the studies. I'm not expecting to be an ace at any of these subjects, but there is no way that I'll be living with a terrible grade for everyone to use against me. If these marks remain at a steady average level, then no one will have anything to say to me. Unless, of course, there's some prick in the school that feels like belittling the 'transfer' student was the latest craze on entertainment.

Last night, as well, I had that reoccurring dream again. Guess that's why it's considered reoccurring, ne? Either way, it's been bugging the hell out of me. Good news is that I've been able to piece together a few more bits of the end, to try and understand more about those cute guys. Sure, I never saw anything before, but there's this subconscious knowledge of them which is keeping my interest.

As I said; I was able to piece together a few more bits on the dream. Not all of it as desirable as I had hoped, but there were definitely clues. Though, as I think about it a little more, I think that red hair was from a girl, considering how long it was. That, and there were rather low-class demons in the rather narrow hallway. Other than that, there's darkness with poor ambiance from poor lighting. I mean, there was some light, but definitely not a lot.

So, this means that whatever I've been dreaming, it's about an attack from demons, and a person with long blood red hair. With further investigation, as well, the fact that this was around wizards had become obvious, with those sparks flashing by in the scattered scenes. I just wish that I was able to remember more on those guys. That's me; A one-track mind, when it comes to the right subject. Maybe if I used guys as the carrot, I'll finish this race of learning quicker. Like, if I finish enough chapters under a specific set amount of time, I'll go to find a guy to spend some quality time with.

Right, side-tracked again. On to the subject of dreams... I learned that there are actually several dreams in which a person experiences during the period of sleep. Maybe it's becoming more important, which is why I'm remembering it, but there aren't any specific scenes coming to mind. More like an aftertaste, but in feeling form.

As I said, I can't remember what the dream was specifically, but either way... It definitely isn't good. Almost like there's going to be something huge, and there's no way to stop it. One of those apocalyptic types of huge, too. This truly creeps me out, with the heeby-jeebies or something, if you wanted to use those human terms. Though I can't exactly complain about that which I've been raised to become accustomed to.

Now, it's getting late, and I have studying to do. Which means, this is my cue to head off to the books with that studying thing. Maybe slip in another subject, if I finish quickly enough. Like that'd happen...

Adieu_,  
Aya_

_

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_**Note**: The following entry is not written like the others. It's writing is that of something very light, and shaky, as if there was very little pressure with the quill. Some words may not be legible, but due to lack of font types, I cannot show that in any other way other than making it of bold-italics. Thank you, and have a nice day.

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_**August 15/16th**  
**Entry #6**_

_** Can't stop... **_

_** Remaining houses shall come together once again...**_

_** That which is no longer human remains a threat, yet not the greatest... **_

_** Tricks and treats, always a desire to be changed...**_

_** One can never see all the days ahead...**_

_** Fate's chains can always be broken. Destiny cannot, no matter what costs are spent to delay it.**_

_** Everything happens for a reason...**_

_** Adieu**_

_**

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**End Note:** I guess this means, should you be reading this far, that you survived chapter two. It is highly, highly, suggested that you read Kodomo no Hikari's fanfiction, Chaos Chronicles, in order to get the full effect of the last entry. Love ya'll! Please review, for I know that I am getting more than 2 hits people. xD_**  
**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** In the former chapter, I had spent a whole paragraph, 10 sentences to be exact, describing the legal specifications of this fanfiction. I was clear, and have not changed my mind, in it standing for the remainder of this story. That includes this chapter as well. Oh, yes, if you wanted to get technical... Upon reading this document, online or otherwise, you have agreed to accept this as a work of a fan, and surrender all rights to sue for copyright, racial, or harrassment reasons.  


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**Warning**: This, instead of a work in third person, is a journal. It will hold crude mentionings of torture, murder, and genocide if you wish to call that. Sexual content is on minimal description, but is implied. Not suitable for the younger readers, hence the rating. It is not for the faint of heart, and in the character's personal view of events expressed via written word. Themes, innuendos, and what some may consider racial slurs may be crossed upon. It's within your best interest to only read on, should you acknowledge and accept said warnings.

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August 16th  
Entry #7

I've yet to figure out just what exactly brought about Entry #6. The shaky writing would bring me to believe that there was little weight around the quill, but that remains to make no sense. I was the only one in the room, and remain the only one who is able to open up the journal. No name left behind, but everything else seemed to be there with my usual layout for the journal entry. Then I reach the content, and realize how little sense it makes. Let me tell you, if one would think that my normal days make no sense, then they'd be permanently confounded by the mess in that one. Almost every line held a single sentence before skipping another for a completely unrelated message. Or maybe, it's more connected than I've first thought. Let's go through each line... Maybe that way, I can figure out what it's supposed to mean. Either way, I can't have written this while I was asleep, as that's clearly impossible, and even the words remained on the line cleanly._  
_

_"Can't stop..."  
_  
This is where things begin. With the inability to stop, that means whatever is going on, is either concurrent, or recurring. As far as myself, the closest things are simple to come up with. I can't stop these urges to kill, or fall back on using the human body for a place to stay. Of course, that last one I've held down lately, considering the fact that I've been at this tavern for so long. And the killing issue has also died down. I've been able to restrain myself a little longer now. Which leaves the dreams. I don't care if the dreams won't stop, but the idea of 'can't' is ridiculous. They'll stop, which means they can stop. I'm confusing myself, even! Maybe there's an event I can't stop... Who knows, as it's only two words without any blasted explanation.

_"Remaining houses shall come together once again..."_

Another thing which refuses to be explained, apparently. Not to mention those ellipses, whatever those should mean. I don't understand what these houses are, much less why they'd be coming together. Maybe an alliance of sorts, but how does that work? Wait... I remember! Sometimes, in the older times, houses would reflect families. At least, I think that's how it works out. So, as far as I can figure out, it's talking about formerly allied families coming together once again. If that's even right, which could be miles away from the initial mark. Not to mention, if there's allies, there are enemies, and a war which would put them together in the first place. Last I checked, there weren't that many wars with this issue that I'd be able to know about. Especially between families and houses. Countries, sure. Species, definitely, as I'm part of that war, but families? I can't make an accurate connection with this, that can be confirmed.

_"That which is no longer human remains a threat, yet not the greatest..."_

Now this one is much easier to interpret, but I still don't understand why it's in my journal. Something is a threat, which was a human. Humans in themselves are always a threat of something, that's nature, but maybe it's more specific. Hell, I thought I was human, but turned out to be something else. I'm not the greatest of threats to shamans? That'd be awesome to know, as I thought my own actions were on a pretty wide scale. Though this could mean something else. Like there was someone who posed a great danger to people, who was human. So, somehow, they go past the lines and become something else, and are still a threat to whatever society they've been terrifying. With it current, then there's someone greater behind them, possibly managing the strings... That could be true, with stories and whispers from these wizards. I could ask about the greatest of threats in their world, and try to figure out more. Hell, this one could be from reading too many history books lately.

_"Tricks and treats, always a desire to be changed..."_

The whole trick and treat thing sounds like Halloween, honestly. With that, there are costumes, which reflect a person's ability to be something they're not. No one is completely happy with who and what they are, and always wish for something to be different. That's psychology 101, but doesn't matter. Tricks and treats... Tricking a person, and gaining something, with the hope of changing. That's the most sense I could make of it, relating to people. I'd like that to happen, but it'll just have to happen on it's own over time. I'm not like some high-style citizen of a great country, living the life of luxury, able to just pay off another to change my appearance or anything. How do tricks and treats help people change, though...

_"One can never see all the days ahead..."_

This one is obvious, but the reason for being written down is something I can't figure out. It's a reminder fortune tellers would always tell their customers, to avoid questions expecting everything to be laid out for them. You just can't predict everything that will happen from today, to a 100 years from now, or even longer. Not to mention, there's no fun in such a thing. You'd have no element of surprise, and life would just be boring. It ruins the purpose of trying to live, if you can see what's going to happen first. That always effects your state of mind, and changes the events which lead to what you see. You not only can't, but shouldn't see those days ahead, unless meant to change it. Though that's my opinion. Why the hell would someone write this down anyways!

_"Fate's chains can always be broken. Destiny cannot, no matter what costs are spent to delay it."_

I think I've heard this before. Actually, now that I think about it, I definitely have heard it before in Japan. No one is bound by fate, despite what they think. While the event you are fated to go through, and the Fates weave, it's not set in stone. You can break that, and not even go through with it all. Fate is basically led by ones choices and actions to the event which some have been able to figure out by luck. Many people have been known to mix Fate up with Destiny, as similar as they sound. Destiny is the thing which can not be avoided, and is set in stone. Such as one clear destiny for us all; At some point in our journey of life, we shall die. Destiny, however, has been known to be vague in their recordings. Very little details, usually no sense of time when this happens, and just how it will come to be. Like, you don't know for sure when or how you'll die. At the least, I've never run into someone who had seen such an event, and remain sane enough to keep things that way. I'm not making any sense, but there is a clear thing set. Fate can be changed, no matter what one says, and you can choose it. Destiny, no matter how hard one fights, will come to pass. It's best to never thing too hard, or try to go against the currents, or dread such things. I've accepted, myself, that I could die by someone casting or attacking me from behind or in my sleep. I could die of disease, or some freak accident, but it will happen and I'm not afraid. It's said to just be another step in one's true life. Okay, that's a little difficult to explain, but I'll try later with the theories that I've heard.

_"Everything happens for a reason..."_

Obvious, yet why written down, I can't figure out. I already know that everything happens for a reason. Every little decision, thought, event, and day effects how you are and what happens in the long run. Even something as small as choosing what's for breakfast. You just have to believe that what you do is for the best. It's part of why I've accepted what has happened in my past. If there wasn't the war between demons and shamans, I wouldn't have been taken in by the Shinimori family. Thus, I wouldn't have been beaten and slowly, in some twisted way, made stronger. Which would've led me to be unable to slay so many monsters in the lost demon's names, and I wouldn't be have the Spear of Destiny. That means that I wouldn't have been invited to Hogwarts, or have met and been joined up with Nekheny. Obviously there are downsides, but if the one small event that triggered the war officially didn't occur, I wouldn't be where I am. Hell, I may not have been born. Everything occurs for a reason, and is just part of the grand scheme of things. All is one, and one is all, you could say. Together we're all one, and what one does affects all. Some just cast a bigger wave, and spread faster among more, than others.

If I know these things, then why does it appear in an entry that forms while I rest? There is no logic, and I required no reminder. Either I know and there's no reason, or I don't understand for there is no connection. That's the essence of those lines, as far as I can see. It was bothering me all day, trying to study and figure it all out at the same time. If everything happens for a reason, then what will this result in? My distraction, which will lead to a delay in learning, and me making a fool of myself? That's horrible, but also quite an incentive to work more diligently than before. It's all like a carousel now, in it's round about leads and the words my song. Think too hard would bring those circles to go faster, and cause confusion and insanity.

There's something, though unrelated to the former things, that I noticed over the passing time. Nekheny's been growing. While it's a little amount, it does lead to new discoveries. Such as, she's rarely or never been outside a cage, and had been stunted in growth before. Either that, and, or, she was younger than the caretaker had told me. Though I have to admit, she's been seeming happier, and developing nicely. Definitely stronger than when I first purchased the little girl. I'm glad to have her as a companion, much like you and the Spear of Destiny. All extensions and connections to myself, which reach to depths a person never could. It's pathetic, to think I'll have a closer relationship with a book, weapon, and hawk, compared to any human or demon. Almost to the point that it's depressing, yet also a safety net. If they never get as close, then it'd be a very difficult task to be broken down by them. Keeping isolated from specific beings will be lonely, but maybe necessary. You, in meaning a person in specific and not just what I'm writing in, don't need everything to be happy or to survive. I can live without happiness, and not be torn down, despite how sad the existence could be considered. My tasks are important, and overcome any need for social contact in the list of priorities.

Oh, and I also walked around Diagon Alley again today. Listened in on some conversations, and learned about a nearby hospital. It's called St. Mungos, apparently, and also hold a specialty section. There's someone who was, and I guess still is, famous in the wizard's version of an insane asylum. Just because he couldn't remember a lot, they sent him there. If I was caught, somehow, what would these wizards do with me? Send me to St Mungos, or Azkaban? I'm basically a mass murderer with an unstable psyche due to years of neglect, abuse, malnutrition, and a crappy life in general. In any 'muggle' court case, I'd win the insanity plea without so much as a second glance. Especially if I told them all that my family was made up of shamans, and I found myself to be a demon. Without the glamor charm, scars which riddle my body with inexplicable patterns should show the public just the kind of life I lived. The scars and burns will tell my pity story... Yeah, just what I want. It's the perfect defense, and humiliation.

Which is why no one will know of my past. Should anyone question it, I'll either refuse to answer, or change the subject. No one can force me, and I'll remain safe. There will be dates that I'll prove my instability, and say things as if my family were before me, but there's nothing that will get me to tell those about my past. No amount of torture, or pain, will bring me to surrender that information. I swear upon my mutilated corpse, if anything.

Great, my hands are shaking again. It's starting to effect my writing, but I refuse to stop. I must go on with what happened in the day. It needs to be recorded before my memory fades and it blurs with the other files of information. This method is faster to be recovered for my own convenience.

The Charm textbooks are just about finished. The 6th year information I'll skim through on the last days in the tavern. History is quickly skimmed, so I'm not stressing that. Transfiguration is something I may be able to avoid, but will still be practicing. If for anything, to save myself from humiliation and alienation. The books for Care of Magical Creatures is something I didn't purchase, due to the fact that I mostly just didn't care. There was this one encyclopedia which didn't go too far into detail, on most, if not all, of the magical creatures in this world. That I purchased, as well as the required book for this year, but left the rest to be skimmed in the bookstore. Potions is something simple enough, as I can identify the ingredients well enough, and am not having too much trouble measuring out, but am still hoping that I won't be required to memorize everything. Okay, maybe the effects of the ingredients, but not the potion recipes. Otherwise, I'm giving up and allowing my humiliation there as well. The spells that are covered, and other information in the DADA books was something I skimmed through as well. They were simple enough, but part of me figures it's nothing my spear and I can't handle. So that's covered well enough.

I guess I'll just try to review over everything towards the end of my stay. I want to try and relax, instead of suffering from some panic attack. It's a reasonable, and possible, desire for what time is left for me. I'll relax for the next couple of days, acting my age, and like these people, just for fun. Hell, I never really had a chance to act like a teenager, so it could be fun. Though that includes being too lazy to write in ya, my dear journal. I really don't feel like writing down whom I thought was cute in the alleys, or ugly, or the calories I consumed over time. So, till something interesting occurs, the next entry may not be for a period of time.

On the other subject I normally cover... Dreams. There's a little more I can piece together, but not much. I'm starting to think that the long-haired redhead in the dream is actually a guy. Not only that, but he was strong and had something to do with plants that I haven't figured just yet. No worries, I will before long, hopefully. Even more, these people were all in robes, which brings about the conclusion that it's all about these Hogwarts students. Being all together, and with that narrow hallway, and of course looking over my letter again, I figured out when this will be happening. I think I'm proud of myself, for figuring out a dream that could come true before it happens, and for the first time ever. So on the train right, demons will be attacking the students, and there's something with demons, plants, and a cute guy with long blood red hair.

Now that I think about it... I haven't exactly made the most amount of progress. People will get attacked, some hurt, and hopefully the demon will be killed. I can't figure out everything, much less get the whole event, but have figured out enough in this amount of time. More will come, I'm sure. Okay, I'm not sure, but I'm hoping that there'll be more so I don't go insane trying to figure it all out.

The other dream, which I don't know anything about, but have the aftertaste, is still a mystery. Now I just know that it isn't good, and could be part of something huge. Possibly about the war between demon and shamans. My mind just refuses to remember, apparently, but isn't bothering me too much. Hell, I want to learn about the other dream far more than this. I'm happy to figure out anything now, so details aren't the most important feature of these recordings. At least, not till I want to try and focus my attentions towards the purpose.

Tomorrow, I'll be heading to the pet store again, just to give Nekheny a small checkup. Not that I'm worried over her health, but just to make sure she was supposed to be getting bigger right now. I mean, this is one of the first times she had been trusted to fly out on her own, be fed well, and even hunt for her own food. So it could just be due to a change in diet, but I still don't want to take the chance. Her being my first pet, or live companion, I don't want to have something happen to her so soon. Much less so close to the train ride and the school semester.

So, for the first time in a while, I'm going to get to bed early. There's a big day, and I'll finally get those robes for school instead of wearing these rags. I _should_ have gotten them sized and purchased the first few days I was around, but studying seemed like priority. Leave it to pride to throw a schedule completely off-track. The idea of these black robes, though... They seem so plain, and are going to end up making me seem pale, despite all of the traveling I've done.

Either way, write in ya some other time.

Adieu,  
_Aya_

August 23rd  
Entry #8

Almost a week has gone by since my last entry, hasn't it? It's not like I tried to avoid writing in here, but there was nothing to write. It was to be far more convenient to wait till I had something which was actually worth writing down. That was, unless, there is a point to write down what I ate, talked to, and bought. Despite some guises and things that I've shown and shared, I'm not shallow enough to jot down who was hot, and how many calories I ate in a day. Though I could honestly say that this was one of those days that could be considered a no-calorie day. Yeah, so I decided to fast, but it's no big deal. I just wasn't in the mood to eat, if that even makes sense. Humans eat all the time, even when they aren't hungry. It confuses me to no end, and after having a little pig-out yesterday, I decided to wait till my body responded and actually said it needed food. So far, it hasn't, so I didn't eat food. I drank water, of course, but that was all, honestly.

Oh, gods, I can't believe that was actually written. Me, talking about what I ate, as if I was self conscious. These people are starting to rub off on me, and that's in a terrible, terrible, way. If this keeps up, I'll end up writing about boys, and what to wear the next day. Okay, must focus. Journal mission is to keep sense of self, not become self absorbed and like a... A teenage human. I'm a soldier, a messenger, an equalizer, and most definitely demon, despite how I was raised. No one will change that, and I can't pretend to be anything else.

Though soon, that list will have 'student of magic' added to it. To think of all the things I'll learn. Maybe even gain allies, and show people the truth of this war. It'll be another step closer to justice, if I succeed. Though, if I fail, I'm just going to have my ass handed back to me. Not a good thought. Definitely not, if I say so myself.

Naturally, I'm choosing to _not_ fail. Not after having gone so far into this mission. I can feel something growing closer, and hopefully it's the redemption that's been earned for my kind. They'll probably also see me as a monster; At least in a few eyes, but most will see these actions for what they are. I've helped too many so far, to think back and doubt the purpose set forth.

Which means I need to change the subject, before it eats away at me too much.

Good news is that Nekheny seems to be doing alright now. Apparently, there really was nothing wrong with her; Just a little extra growing from getting out. So instead of getting bad news, it was just a sign of me not being a crappy owner... I like the label caretaker better. Yeah... Caretaker is much better than owner, as she's not a thing.

I hope the spear can't feel emotions, or else I'm going to start feeling guilty myself. It seems like it's been forever since I've actually taken it out and put it to good use again. On one hand, I don't want to get rusty and lose the strong connection with my partner. Yet, with the other hand, I don't want to blow my cover and be caught. It'll be hell, when these wizards figure out who and what I am; Especially if they were supportive of the shamans. Considering the probabilities, I'm willing to wager that they definitely didn't like demons. Seriously, all of the ones around here, who were recorded, have a bad reputation. As if monster and demon meant the same thing, we've been condemned and considered evil by everyone but our own kind. I mean, we're not evil, in any way, in my opinion. We may have an aggressive, and different set of morals, but does that make us the bad guys? Okay, occasionally there have been some species and clans which slaughtered and fed off of humans, but it probably was for a good reason.

Not that these people could ever understand. Anything that's considered strange, and not up to par with their society, is considered evil. I mean, what Hitler did during World War II was evil. That's obvious, but not like what I'm doing. Similar, yes, in method, but purpose and the fine differences is what separates us. He did everything in a, mostly, slow and torturous way, over a set ideology in his mind, I'm evening the score in an ongoing war, targeting specific people and families, but also using a quick method of finishing them off. Sometimes, I even avoid mass bloodshed by snapping people's necks. It's that simple, and in no way as cruel as that mad man. This species dares to call us monsters, and not recognize just what they've done over the years. Seriously; I'm a saint compared to those people!

Before I stab a wall, or something, I should change the subject. For now, I'm done with my studies, but will be practicing random chapters, just till the day that I have to move closer to Kings Cross, for the train ride. I haven't been paying attention too much, but while writing about it... There seems to be so little time left here. While it feels like I've just gotten here, it's been almost a month since I've gotten that letter and shacked up in this place. There have definitely been a few issues that needed to be worked out, but honestly... I think it's been for the best, and has only held a somewhat positive effect on me.

Now if I can skip out on the school part, and continue on with my journey, everything would be just perfect. Guess I can't, though, after sending in the reply. It's silly, and even stupid, to be worried about returning to school, but... But...

There are going to be people there! Lots of people, in fact, and I'll have to be with them for 10 months without a true escape. I don't think I can deal with that, and am not sure I want to. It's ridiculous to be thinking about this now, but I can't help it. Nerves have been eating up at me, and only continue to grow deeper under my skin. That's something I don't like, up there with spinach. Let me tell you something, as well... I _hate_ spinach. Both give an irksome feeling, of which is never a good thing. Sure, I'm not a genius, but it doesn't take one to know what's a 'good' and 'bad' feeling. Especially in cases like these.

I proved that I can actually handle a few people at a time, today. So while a large population is a problem, approximately 15 people in the same area is just fine. Want to know how I learned? Well, the other day I went to this store, where there was a bunch of boards and strange living chess pieces. I never learned the normal version, so watched and eventually asked how similar it was to 'muggle' chess.

Apparently, save for the pieces literally tearing each other to pieces, it was mostly the same. There were also a few other games, of which one had these balls of something squirting... I don't know, nor want to know, what it was squirting at the other player's face. That was most likely what was going to be keeping me away from such things. Though the chess looked interesting, and someone was nice enough to help me out with learning the game. I don't understand why they thought I was 'muggle-born,' though... Deciding to shrug that part off, we continued the teaching game, of which I lost; Obviously. I was actually thinking of stopping by that place a few more times, to just try the game out a little more, and understand the piece moves, rules, and such.

Actually, I want to learn, so I can also learn how to read other people's moves. Play a game, and you know the person's usual strategy in, just about, everything. What pieces they protect, and relate it to whom is in the person's life, or who they're willing to sacrifice. Relate a game of chess to real life, and understand the opponent's game well enough, and you can predict whichever move would come up. Personally, I think it'd be easier to just learn how to see into the future. That way, you don't have to restudy every time you face a new enemy.

Which is probably why there's there saying. Never play a game of chess with someone whom could become your enemy in the future. If they can read your moves better than you reading theirs, you're basically screwed. Am I right? Of course I am; Not like you can answer in return...

I already know my plans. They change, depending on the situation, which means it'll never be the same twice. Yes, the strategy would be similar, but never completely the same. Sometimes, I'll focus on certain targets at a time, then make my way up, or down, in the ranks. Either get rid of the most powerful shaman first, and let the remaining become easy pickings, or start with the small fries and gain more experience for the boss. It's always been based on my mood, the weather, how large the city and who was listed in the books that I always carried around with me. Though all of those records were now in my vault, with all the cash I've gained over time. I don't see a problem with integrating this towards chess. In fact, it could work to my advantage, if they seem 'off the charts' enough to confuse those I play against.

This could actually become something to enjoy, instead of avoiding.

Maybe I'll just stick with checkers, instead of trying to learn new games. It's easier, and I'm too lazy to think on a leisurely activity. Too lazy for that, but not too lazy to write a journal entry? I don't think that makes much sense, but I'll take what I can get. If I end up thinking too much on this situation, I'll just end up stopping short; Which isn't good, because I have more to write about. A lot more, I think, actually. Especially if this astrology stuff, that I read over lately, was applied correctly over the last few nights. It's ridiculous to focus so much on these dreams, and the planetary, and stellar, alignment, but I can't help it. There's just this internal feeling that I should focus on this subject. In fact, that feeling's only grown since I arrived in England.

Now on the subject of these dreams, which I mentioned in the older entries. While following these nifty tips which were in some of the dream journal books, back in one of the stores, I was able to remember more of the skits. Almost like an old movie, with a few skips in the picture and sound, or the tiniest of time lapses. Either way, it's far better than before, now that I've been trying to actually get a grasp on what's been going on. Not that I've been turning obsessed, but I mentioned the internal feeling before. It's almost like I should remember, and figure this whole thing out. Except for one tiny, little, microscopic problem with this dream.

It's been changing as it repeats in a night.

One version of the train ride was mostly in the darkness, and the train was ripped apart with some of the students just surviving, to only fall prey by more gangs of demons. I lived through, once getting through their heads who I was, but then... It ended, as a light from behind me came and hit the back of my head. There was another, where too many of the students fell prey to the stench of the demon world. Considering the fact that I almost collapsed from the stuff, it wouldn't be surprising if the air could melt a humans lungs. That shit's almost melted _my_ lungs; Forget the humans.

There were about three other variations of the same scene, including the first one where I was groping around the long-haired redhead. It's going to sound a little stupid, but I think these are all some kind of warning of all the things that could happen. Of course, I'd rather not have to deal with demons, at all, on this trip. How I'm getting these warnings, however, is another story. I don't know if there are others getting the same messages, either. I mean, it's not very promoting to ones reputation to go up to a stranger and ask if they've been having any recent dreams about demons attacking a bunch of Hogwarts students on their train ride to the school. To look like a crazy person, whether or not I really am one, isn't on the list of priorities. In fact, that's one of the things I'm to prevent from happening!

I need to relax, before my nerves cause the death of me. Right... Right, maybe there is a logical explanation. When in Japan, I was told about how spirits, who aren't ready to move on, stay around. That they can pass on messages to the living, through dreams. Maybe it's a spirit, connected to those people, or the school, trying to let me know that way, on what could happen. It's never happened to me before, exactly, but I'm sure it's only because of the fact that I have the Spear of Destiny. That's what got me into Hogwarts, so maybe that's what is attracting the spirit.

Hope they know that I'm not one of the 'good guys,' though. Okay, I may not be evil, but it doesn't mean that I would do something about the situation. On the other hand... If it gets me a kiss and a chance to feel that hot guy up...

Okay, maybe for the greater good, I'll go off my usual track, and help these people. I mean, they need _someone_, so why not me? It'll probably also be a great chance to develop my skills, and build up some character.

What am I kidding... This is for total, and complete, personal gain issues. I know what's considered attractive, and that guy could be considered the idol of it.

The other strange dream, where I don't even remember anything, hasn't really happened again. The 'after taste,' however, is still strong. Like it's trying to bug me, but just can't, because I'm that awesome. Sure, that's close on being conceited, but that's only because it's true. That, and I feel like writing in a slightly silly mood. It happens, occasionally. Not like I can keep it in at all times, like my ki. Another thing which I want to release, but then it'd identify me as a demon, and I just can't have that happening. Not only does it ruin my cover, but then it makes it hard to fit in with a castle of students my age. Them; Students of magic for some amount of years, all human, or mostly so. Then there's me; The demon who's exterminated shamans for about a year. Even though I'd only go after shamans, they'll just alienate me like I'm some freak.

I hate peer-to-peer cliques. They just piss me off, if a little of my true information came out. As if, just because they're more psychologically stable, they're so much better than me. Know what? I'd like to see them try to deal with years of torture, both mental and physical, and be in one piece!

Wow, almost lost my temper there. Nope, can't have that happen. Only those who aren't careful lose their temper so easily. I mean, I'm only writing, and to have rage come out from something as small a task as that... It's ridiculous! I'll have to keep it under a little more control, to avoid snapping in school. Oh... That would definitely be a bad bad thing. Kind of like 'tree good, fire bad,' type of thing. Just replace 'tree' with 'control,' and 'fire' with... With... Something that makes sense with what I was talking about, that's bad.

I need to restock on some of my supplies. Practicing potions, and other things, depleted some of my resources. The robes came in, finally, including the dress one. It's actually a jade green color, as I thought it'd look good with my hair and skin. That, and to avoid people from noticing the red in my eyes. Sure, it's not extremely noticeable, but it wouldn't take too long to notice that strange color. Then I'd have to explain, secrets get out, the person freaks and I'd have to kill them. That leads to clean up, as there'd surely be a mess, and I'd have to go into hiding, or cover up my tracks perfectly. Murder is just so messy these days. At least, in this realm it is; Unlike Makai, where you can get away with destroying more than enough people, and gain a great reputation. I mean, it worked for me. Hell, they see me as a bloody savior!

Right... Tomorrow. Supplies, learn more about the Wizards Chess, and study a little more for Hogwarts. I'm sure it's going to start with the rainy issue soon enough, so that means there'll be even less to write. I mean, I'll be stuck inside, writing about the weather. How boring is that? Not exactly my idea of fun...

Adieu,  
_Aya_

  
August 26th  
Entry #9

The past few days have been slow, I'm glad to report. Want to know why this makes me glad? It means that everything is calming down, and I can relax a little more. Of course, this would also mean that I'm not to be dealing with the problems of being caught. Well, I do have to worry about that, but not as much now, is what I mean. At least, I think I believe that's how it's to be.

With other news; It's been raining for a few days now. I think it's about to let up, but that doesn't change how depressing that makes this. Dark skies, even as the sky should be shining through, to release that which dampens everything. Not just the environment, ground, clothes, but people's moods. I mean, it may be refreshing for the plants, but it's only a negative sign. Did you ever see those movies, or at least hear about them? All of the worst things happen while it's raining. That, or it causes flashbacks to the worst of things. I can't say much towards myself with that last part, as there's really nothing that would spark a good memory.

Other than that, I've also been getting a strange feeling. While not completely sure about it, I think I've been sensing powerful, inhuman, energies nearby. I can't say what kind of people, or even if they are people, but I can sense that those beings are strong, whoever they are. Earlier, I walked around the city, but only was willing to go a few blocks before heading back. The sources weren't in that range, but I didn't mind so much. If everything is better tomorrow, I'll try to find them.

Which only makes me more envious of those people back in Japan. You know, those people who mentored me for the short time that I told you about, in an earlier entry. Which one, I don't feel like finding out, but it'd not the most recent entries. Probably one of the first ones, if anything. That's beside the point, however. What I was meaning to say, was that they are so skilled. They could figure out if it was a human, demon, or animal and how much stronger than they were the being was. Not only that, but apparently one could figure out another's intent the same way; Yet another thing I haven't learned. Who knows, maybe I'll return someday, and try to learn about all of those finer details.

So, that trip only resulted in me getting wet, and having to spend most of the day drying off the 'muggle' way as these people seem to call it. I don't get what's so wrong about letting the air dry my hair, instead of using the wand unnecessarily. I can think of many more uses, despite them being unethical, to use the wand without wasting magic. Okay, sure, many would consider such an idea 'nasty' and 'gross,' but I never said I did that. It's just a better idea than using it for frivolous tasks like drying one's hair and lighting up a room. I thought normal humans were lazy, these people could win the Pulitzer prize for such a category.

These people will eventually learn how to deal with things a little more efficiently. I mean, no more needless wand waving and all that kind of crap. At least, that's what I hope will happen, and sooner rather than later. Want to know something else? I can't wait to be there and watch these people fall off of their high horses when it does happen. There'll be some huge attack, and where the normal people have no trouble keeping it away, their magic does no good against the enemy. I won't even help, or give them advice, to save their sorry asses. Just sit on the sidelines, and enjoy the show. Maybe I'll bring donuts, or even coffee to care for any needs of rest, or anything like that. Who knows? I may go so far as to root for the other side, just to get a rise out of these people.

On the other hand, maybe not. It's a little too degrading to go down to such a level, considering the fact that I know my place far better than these wizards. A betrayal is something I wouldn't have to put someone through, considering I know how it is to deal with it myself. I mean, that's part of the reason why I never say I'm on someone's side till I'm completely sure about the decision.

Wait, what am I saying? No one has asked me to take sides at all. It's ridiculous to think about coming up with plans like that at this point.

Let's shift to a different subject. Something like the dreams, perhaps? I've been getting a longer look at what was to happen. Unfortunately, it was with yet another skip in the event. This proved that I was on a train, which means this whole thing could be going down on the day that the students head over to this Hogwarts place. The good news is that I got another look at the cue redheaded guy again. Bad news, however, was that it was after I jumped from one car that was falling off, onto the other. He did fall in my arms though, which was pretty awesome. So, despite the other stuff I've been seeing, apparently everything was going to go as well as one could expect. Especially if you think about how these people only hear about demons in myths. Other than that, they have 'magical creatures,' which are just animals of a different spirit energy than the ones 'muggles' know of.

I could only imagine how the coming school year would turn out. Who knows how many lives will be lost this year; With the school having lost students at some point in the more recent years. I heard all about it from a few graduates that were going around Diagon Alley. I think they were helping their younger siblings get supplies. Either that, or hitting the bank for a withdrawal, or deposit.

Nekheny returned today, as well, with a plump rodent in her talon's grasp. With the hunting, and my own feeding times for her, she's gone through quite the growth spurt. Definitely healthier than before, that's for sure. I think she's also been noticing the strange feeling in the air, as if there was someone studying the webs of magic around the city. She's one intelligent avian out of the flock, I can tell you that much. In fact, in the short time she's been in my presence, Nekheny has been able to tell the difference in my moods. One of the nights, when I was having a bit of a nightmare, I woke up to see her preening my hair; Almost as if she were comforting me. It was creepy, a little strange, but wicked awesome, all at the same time.

She'll probably love Hogwarts, even if they keep her from staying in the same dorm as me. A bunch of fellow feathered friends, live prey for miles on end, without too much competition, and she was also free to soar among the skies. Considering the fact that I really have no friends, she also won't have to worry about being forced to go on little missions.

Part of me just wishes that I could keep her forever. Forever, or the rest of her life span; Whichever came first.

Anyways, there isn't much more to report, I need to admit. There were a few things that I was thinking of, but now it's really nothing. Tomorrow I'll continue to search for that energy source, as they say the rain will have stopped by then. Which means I won't have to worry about melting. Yeah, there's a lame joke there. I'm never watching Wizard of Oz again.

There's a good reason for me cutting this short, though. It's probably form having dried off the way I did, instead of using magic. Not that I had an actual reason then to bother, but it's possible I'm going to get a cold. I mean, there's the dizziness going on, and a slight sniffle. I'm guessing that there'd just be a little congestion, if anything. A demon's immune system is stronger than a humans, but when it comes to things like the cold, there's nothing but uncharted seas. Who knows how that plays out, when taking into account all of the various strands of the virus. Anyways, I'll report again tomorrow, if I actually do manage to search the city again.

Adieu,  
_Aya_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: View prior chapters for details. It's been covered plenty of times, and I honestly don't feel like doing so any more.

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**Warning**: This, instead of a work in third person, is a journal. It will hold crude mentionings of torture, murder, and genocide if you wish to call that. Sexual content is on minimal description, but is implied. Not suitable for the younger readers, hence the rating. It is not for the faint of heart, and in the character's personal view of events expressed via written word. Themes, innuendos, and what some may consider racial slurs may be crossed upon. It's within your best interest to only read on, should you acknowledge and accept said warnings.

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August 29th  
Entry #10 

You know what sucks? The fact that it's still raining. Sure, things have let up today, but there's been absolutely no sun for the last several days. It's such dreary weather, I'm starting to think that the Makai's climate had been more cheerful. At least that place had some actual light, instead of the dusk-like darkness with the rain clouds blocking what opportunity of light there had been. It's almost started to affect my internal clock. Who knows about the wizards, but I grew up used to seeing the difference between daylight and nighttime.

Now you see why I haven't put anything in the journal for the past few days. All there was, was rain! Rain, studying, eating, getting new supplies, and repeating the same damned process. It's making me go crazier than Nekheny has been for her inability to stretch those developing wings in fresh air. While grudgingly she had gone out in the rain before, the weather's gotten dreary enough to make her torture herself with being in the room the whole time. Instead of hunting, she's been waiting for me to get more rats and small animals to bring. I didn't have trouble doing so, as it was my responsibility to take care of her, but the fact that I know she truly wants to hunt wild creatures for a meal makes me feel, what I think is, pity for the hawk.

With trips outside having been extremely limited, the studying had progressed even further than what was planned before. I'd stay downstairs after meals for an extra hour or two trying to get a little experience with the studying, almost like quizzes. While a few of the other guests looked slightly unusual, they were kind enough to help me out. Occasionally they'd even give a few tips on what was better, compared to the textbook information.

I'm not going to stop, and end up rusty with this knowledge, however. It's the same way with the spear; While I can't practice in open spaces, or attempt that wonderful attack again, there were still a few unofficial routines that I was able to use. Forgetting how to use my partner in a time so close to leaving towards yet another unknown destination where an attack could spring up from anywhere. It'd be far too reckless to even think about, much less allow happen. That'd be a mistake that would have gotten me killed on my year-long 'crusade.' Not that there were many opportunities to practice with the traveling, but there had been enough stops to keep me from having fallen too far down the skill ladder.

Now, some would wonder why I don't practice in any element. Any weapons master would claim that training in the rain would do the body good, in fact. There was just one small issue that I didn't want to risk dealing with. The attack mentioned before? It's a strange lightning attack that I've been able to accomplish when angry enough at the shamans. So wickedly awesome, with the huge bolt of light, and then so much of the grounds are either destroyed, or in flames. Sure, I haven't exactly developed a good grasp of that ability, but I know it's from the spear and not myself. That, at least, has to be of some improvement, right?

Right, information-wise, I haven't really been developing much of a scope on the situation. Naturally staying in this place, I've been able to hear about the biggest of news, and read the papers that others were finished with. Now this is where things get really screwy, and it made my wonder which practitioner's world was truly insane.

A bunch of years ago, there was this really 'dark' wizard, who's name I couldn't figure out, because these people were far too afraid to say it; Even today! Apparently there's some superstition about mentioning his name brings death to the speaker. Anyway, I kept listening to these people. He did a lot of bad stuff, trying to get more and more power, while killing those that stood in his way. Eventually, there was this one house that the 'Dark Lord' hit, where he tried to kill a baby after his parents. The curse rebounded, hit the guy, and he 'died' for about 11 years. Either 11 years, or 10, as I can't be so clear on that information.

After those '11' years, the boy started to attend Hogwarts after having lived with some part of his family. In the same year, he was attacked by one of the professors who was after this Philosopher's Stone. Next year, he saves some girl, and stops the attacks on the school, by this huge 'basilisk,' that was actually controlled by a book of some sorts. Really weird, in my opinion. The year after, he was sought after by some high-security prisoner from some place called Azkaban. The year after that, he ends up in a tournament where a friend of his was killed, and brought the community to start accepting that this 'Dark Lord' was back. These people said that for the next year, people still didn't really believe the situation, and it wasn't accepted till later. The idiots were ignorant enough to feign ignorance to the point their ministry was attacked by the guy and his followers.

That's all I was able to gather, as the person that had given me the scoop actually went to Hogwarts in that time. I never got his name, but I'm pretty sure that he's either going to graduate soon or already had. He had said far more than that, but I may have tuned the guy's words out every now and then. Not that he wasn't interesting, but there was just too much to the story, and I had other interests. It's not like this wizard was going to bother going after me, and shamans were more of a priority than anything else. I should have at least pretended to have shown interest, but it was his own fault for going about like it was some football game. I didn't even like hearing about those, so why would I listen to a story about some wizard gone wrong talked about in the same exact fashion?

Needless to say, he wasn't happy about the lack of attention. We separated ways, and I resumed some studies. That, and did something to keep Nekheny occupied. Sure, it was something done with dogs, but it gave the poor girl a chance to fly about the area. It was just a stuffed toy that I would toss about the room for her to dive at and catch. Not exactly a favorite past time, but I think she had appreciated the fact that I was trying to make her feel better. It's hard to do that, when you didn't speak 'hawk.'

There is other news. This is pertaining to those dreams, however, and not what was going on while I was conscious. The first one, while there were small breaks in the screening, didn't have any more fuzzy parts. The sound isn't exactly the best, but when there was screaming, it'd come through clear enough. Like this boy who was screaming for the others to fight. Anyway, I was able to figure out just what was going on. As I said, there are several time breaks, and lack of sound, but there were a few things that I didn't need ears for to understand.

Just as I had been thinking before, this all does, in fact, take place on the day everyone is heading off to the school via Hogwarts Express. I mean, even getting there was something wicked; Walking through a false wall that none of the non-magical folk were supposed to recognize. It just seemed like some hologram to myself, but apparently the wizards around still thought of it as a solid wall that let the confident phase right through the mass. Anyone would've been able to breach such a small barrier, but it was expected; They needed something to protect themselves against the normal people, and allow the new students to go through. At least it makes the '9 ¾' station hold some sense, with it being in-between platforms 9 and 10.

Back on the subject, though. Apparently, the reason for the demons I saw attacking was due to the fact that some barrier broke. That was the only explanation on why a human device was in a place that had the sky of a typical Makai day. Not that I was in Makai very long, but it only takes a short time to notice what was considered typical. It all makes sense, now that I was able to receive that part of the 'vision,' or whatever that repetitive dream should be called. With the train going through there, full of vulnerable, tasty, children, of course the local color would be attacking. It's a buffet on very fast wheels, that if going at full speed, would be enough to splatter a C-class demon, I think. That's a pretty tricky scenario to accurately predict, in my own opinion.

Though that opinion is by someone who only knew for about a year that she was a demon. The entire power class system is one of those factors that I haven't understood completely; Mainly on figuring out how to identify someone's class. I have trouble controlling my own energy level, so it's no surprise that the classification of another's power wouldn't be simple to myself. In time, the technique will prove more natural an action to go use in every day situations.

Once again, having trailed off, this is my attempt to get back to that first dream/vision/thing. There was this barrier breaking, the train going through Makai, and somehow it ended up making it into the human world once again. How exactly, I'm not sure. The dream refuses to give any actual sound to the event. Whatever did happen, there ended up being a race on getting to the right side, which worked pretty well. Then the last cab started to fall off, which was pretty awesome to watch in this view. That hot redhead was the one who gave everyone extra time. He was on the main part of the train, using this whip to hold the falling cart together, which gave all of the students chances to on a safer cab. I think I was the last person, because once I was over, after having held on to the other side of the whip, he collapsed into my arms. It was actually pretty cute, despite the 'sleep' being caused by exhaustion. That was probably the only reason why he was willing to collapse into me, instead of stubbornly going to one of those rooms. Still, what strength he had to have in order to hold on to that whip for so long. He was amazing, and somehow I felt like we had something in common. At least on some level, which I still can't understand myself.

The vision ended, basically, after having gotten him over to his friends, and taking him to rest on a couch. They were all pretty cool, from what I was able to see, and unable to hear. One definitely had this vacant expression, though, which was a little freaky. That, and the hair style not suiting him one bit... Ugh, a huge fashion risk, in my opinion.

While that was how the first one ended, it was considered the first dream for a reason. The other seemed so cryptic, mysterious, and intriguing. I wanted to grasp and pick it apart, analyzing the short scene; Just like I had with the train sequence. Though that one was actually lasting longer, and I was given so much more in the beginning. This one held familiarity, though. As if I had 'experienced' it all before. Which is strange, because there was no way in the 9 hells that it already happened to me. If it did, and I don't remember, than those years of talisman abuse hit me harder than what I originally thought. That's something I seriously doubt, too. There would've been signs of it earlier in the year away, or even before then.

Either way, it's how this went about. The whole vision in itself was approximately 4 seconds long, and had some flash of a similar scene in the middle. Originally, while I think it was me holding something, the figure was blurred. All that I could make out was all of the lightning. The figure had my structure, hair, and I could've sworn that it was the spear I was holding on to. Thing was, the detail leads me to be extremely skeptical over who's who, and what's what. But after the first couple of seconds with the lightning flashing, the person holding the item changed. I couldn't tell who, but there was this whole regal presence about them, and this gorgeous silver hair that was illuminated by the lightning. I couldn't see anything about the rest of them, however; Not even the gender. Definitely wasn't my demon form, though, as the hair was too perfect.

Me? Even my demon form seems to have taken a blow from the years of talismans that were used on my. While still silver, there's a definite grayness in the color, and less of a healthy shine. It's thick, but holds a near-dry feeling, as if I never took care of it. Alright, that's technically true, but I did my best considering how long I've even known about the appearance. Undoing a decade and a half of damage can't be completed within a year, no matter how persistent one is. Unless they shave their head, but that's something that I refuse to go about doing. It took far too long to get my hair this long, and if I have to hide the damage with messy hair styles, then so mote it be.

He he... Mote is a funny word. Sounds the same as moat, with those crocodiles swimming around to make intruders into a meal. Maybe this is just a sign that I'm in desperate need of sleep; Finding words that aren't used as often to be amusement. By the gods, I need to get laid sometime soon. This is going to drive me nuts if I stay holed up in this dive. There's got to be some guy willing to have fun with a stranger out there tomorrow.

Alright, seeing as I doubt anything would be happening between now and Hogwarts, I'll leave you till then to stick an entry in. If something interesting does come up, I'll jot it down, as I should, I suppose. Too many 'I's' in that sentence. Either way, I'll see you anytime between a few days and a week from tomorrow. Then I'll have _something_ amusing to report. Something far better than the dreams and how far I got in my studies. That's because in that time, I'll be in Hogwarts, sorted into another house, and with an explanation to the train ride. Till then, right?

Then again, one never knows what's in store for the future. I never really understood the concept of divination, despite what I've read in these books. Did they ever bother to make sense of everything, with premonitions, astrology, time travel, and all of that other fei-wu? Yeah, I said 'crap' in Mandarin Chinese. Traveling around, having lived with a Japanese-American family, and other circumstances allowed me to pick a few things up. Naturally, all of those few are actually profanities, instead of something productive. Better than saying something everyone else would understand, and I would only end up in trouble for. With this, I could attempt to get away with a lie, instead of claiming they heard me wrong. How many people could know Mandarin, anyway, right?

Now, for some reason, I'm dragging this out longer than originally thought. Probably due to the fact that I can't find myself getting drowsy enough to fall asleep so quickly. What is the trick for those that could go out like a light the moment they hit the mattress? I know it's not a case of thinking about school work, or something terribly boring. Definitely not overdosing on some kind of drugs, and I refuse to attempt any sleeping potions from this lazy world. While I may not be able to fall asleep right now, it's a low possibility of me falling asleep in a far enough time to complete those tonics. They never taste good, anyway.

I know! I could just read that stupid "Hogwarts, A History" book that I purchased- No, wait... Gou-shi, I just remembered. Just after getting it to the room, while skimming through the pages, I had cut open a hollow for your hiding space. Looks like I'll have to find another book. Yes! There's that history book I could try reading. Nothing to help you fall asleep like a book on some war you never heard of, will need to worry about, or had been connected to. Now with that out of the way, this is for real. The entry will be stopped, and you will be put away in the proper place.

Adieu,  
_Aya_

September 1st  
Entry #11

By the gods, I was given a gift yesterday that was close to orgasmic to hear about. Something that I acted out on today. First, the guy and what happened, just to keep things up to speed. He was more than hot enough, and had these crystal clear blue eyes. If it'd been any other girl, he'd have someone easily fall in 'love' with him. Now this whole love thing... I don't really understand the concept. How different could it be from lust? If that was the case, then I'd have been wet between the legs once given the chance.

This isn't supposed to be an entry based upon what I think people mistake as love, though. It's about the fact that this guy was someone who had some prime information. Perfect, for being so close to that train ride. It'd keep me mellower than usual for that day, which also meant less of a chance for me 'snapping,' as some have called it.

Now, he definitely wasn't a shaman, which was a good thing for his sake. It's always possible that he was just another demon, and I hadn't noticed. You're around them for as short of a time as myself, it's natural to not be used to recognizing other demons. So, whether he was a demon masked as a human, with information on where some shamans lived, or just a human that had enough magical ties to know, I couldn't tell. He was good in bed, at least, and didn't give a fuss when I decided to leave after having a drink to refuel my energy reserves. As usual, I never caught his name, and he didn't seem to mind that he had just screwed around with a girl that was underage, who also never gave out her name either. This happened in a lot of places, though. Especially over in the U.S., despite those laws. In fact, part of me thinks it's more of a temptation, to try and prove you can outsmart the law and do what you want. I managed that well enough, but also kept going about and changing direction everywhere I went. They didn't understand where I went over in the time that disappeared out of their precious country. Not only that, but shaman-infested towns weren't very common in the States, so the attacks seemed very random. One was actually an Indian Reserve, which threw those agents for a loop, I'm sure.

To them, it was a tragedy, while I saw it as someone putting a balance in this long war. It's been going on for a long time in human lifetimes, but I'm not sure about demons. Back in Makai, when I had stayed there for a short time, I remember them calling me a toddler because of my age. Which didn't actually make sense till I had found out most were at least in their hundreds at that point. They weren't mocking me for my age, however, considering what war can do to anyone, even youkai. Okay, they may have teased me a little, but nothing too serious in my opinion. I lived in a school that thought I didn't know any personal hygiene habits, when they hadn't realized it was just because I couldn't thoroughly cleanse my body. Yes, I had done my best with a sponge, but some areas couldn't be irritated, which meant there'd be a slight stench before. Not anymore, at least, as everything has closed up enough, and seems to be healing quite well. It would continue like that, if I kept with applying a certain scentless lotion on the areas.

So, after the fun and information, I immediately went out of London to visit this small plot of land. On the way, I had passed a strange property that felt funky, but ignored it for my goal. It was something like those spits; You know, where there was this one house, and 4 Latino families were shacked up there, mounting to over 20 people in the place. This was similar, but the land was larger, and they seemed to be with 6 families instead. They didn't understand my purpose there, but after giving a little spell, from my adoptive family, they welcomed me right away. Accepting the tea, but never drinking, and then waiting for the right moment when their guard was truly down. That was all I had to do before starting the slaughter. The first I just ended up ripping their faces off, while a handful of others ended up killed by those talismans.

It must really suck to have some demon coming about in your house, act like a fellow shaman, and end up killing you with your own attacks. Especially when it's the very species you're at war with. If I actually cared about that possibility, instead of finding it humorous, I suppose it could be considered psychopathic and disgusting to think about. At least I'm kind enough to give them a cremation; Just burn the whole place to the ground, and avoid having evidence about showing what killed all of those people. Those 'normal' weak humans always had a habit of sticking their heads into suspicious activities like this. No one wants exposure, because that causes trouble for all sides of the 'order,' which keeps us from leaving obvious signs. It's the reason why demons take the guise of a human, despite going into their public to cause mischief. Those Salem Witch Trials must've been one of the most recent exposure repercussions in history. Not the only one, but one of the most recent, at the least.

Not that I'd be stupid enough to leave obvious tracks. If anyone, I'd be the least likely to try and leave a trail as to who and what I am to the normal humans. Shamans... I'd rather they know I'll be coming for them at some point, but expecting to see an actual demon with amazing strength, and not some scrappy teenage girl at the front door.

So after all of that, I reached the tavern again this morning, where that tender, Tom I think his name was, politely asked where I had disappeared to. A natural thing to expect, which led me to say that I was out on business, but didn't forget to thank him for keeping the room the same, as I hadn't expected to be gone over the night. He took it well, and was also kind enough to bring up some tea. Because of the rain, I was inside yet again for the majority of the day. This honestly had to be one of the wettest summers of my life. Seriously, I heard that England was a rainy little place, but didn't take it so literally. These people are lucky to not be raisins!

Alright, so most of the day was spent indoors, I already said, but for studying on this stuff. The main focus wasn't to attend the classes, the school said, but I figured it'd be pretty nifty to learn all of this stuff. If anything, it'd make my 'clean up' far easier to use. Though the wands are a tad on the flimsy side, and could shatter with a little too much energy sent into the stick, they were still handy. There was no way that I could do so much with my bare hands, after all. So, these wizards and witches had to be give their props. Thing is, I'm worried that there will come a time that using this simple form of magic will end up biting me, or even those wizards, in the ass at some point. It is a short cut, after all, which would be balanced out at some point, if my views are correct.

Oh! You're probably wondering why I seem so mellow in this chapter, as well. It's pretty simple to explain, and will be noticed at a later point in the year most likely. Due to the fact that I'm not accustomed to this high level of energy that demons normally have, it's easier to build up to the point that it affects my way of thinking. With the buildup, snapping is far more likely than before, and people would associate me with the psychopathic patients in those mental wards. That's how I normally am, at least. How to fix it, to remain somewhat stable throughout the day? Well, there's always the sex thing, as I never seemed to be stuck with those diseases that people normally do from promiscuity. That's the shorter of fixes, when also using this journal. The most effective of methods is to go out, kill shamans till I'm somewhat exhausted, then travel back to where I'm staying. With this, I'll be pretty calm for about a week, if there wasn't that train ride.

When I'm at such a serene state of mind, it's easier to get along with people. There are less triggers on what would cause me to snap; Anything that reminds me of my adoptive parents has always caused me to react in some way. Brought down to a sane level, my plugs are a little covered, but not completely. In other words, the reaction has varied, in what I remember.

There was this one time, I heard some guy yelling at his daughter for almost causing some huge accident. Now, it wasn't in Japanese, or about something meaningless, like almost dropping eggs. The girl actually was playing with her ball, and it almost rolled off into the streets. He had a right to scold the child, but it didn't keep me from tensing up, hunching my back and hurrying off to someplace dark. I was a little messed up at that point, having stayed still and muttering to myself about being a good girl. Not exactly sure when I snapped out of that consciousness, but it was before the next day that I was already out of the town. Also not positive on this, but it is possible that I was crying at some point. This wasn't too long before I went to Makai, so there are a bunch of events clouding up that memory. On the other hand, it could've been longer ago in time, and I'm mixing things up.

Another time, I reacted violently. Yelling, attacking, and I think I saw my adoptive parents in place, with an image of how I saw the two while I was a child. It's normal for a kid to look at their parents as giants, considering how much taller and stronger they were.

Moral of the short stories is that the risks are varied, on how I'd react to those small triggers. Occasionally, it'd be an actual day of the year, which was related to a past event, that'd get me to one of those exceptionally unstable states. Even flashbacks, where I ended up reliving a few moments. Not able to tell where I really am, and only stuck seeing the related scene, and reacting just how I did back then. Most of the time, I'd like to think of my appearance being somewhat neutral enough for people to not think much on the situation.

If I remember, I should jot down the dates of those 'sensitive' times, that doesn't include the time of the month, and forward it over to the headmaster. I mean, if he gets the news, he could pass it on to the professors, and they'll have prior waring before I destroy the place. It's always the end result of either destruction of some sort, or me breaking down to the point that it's just pitiful. Seriously, it's the most random of breakdowns, where I curl up and mutter to the person that I mistook for the adoptive father, all in Japanese. It's one of those freaky things, ya know. Something that would only be connected to a psychiatric ward's prime target. The doctors there would foam at the mouths with the possibility of prying open a specimen like me.

That wasn't even an ego trip! Just... I hate those mental hospitals. Full of crazy people, and those whom are more psychotic, trying to fix everything by jamming pills down the patient's throat. Those damned people claim they could help those unstable people, to only make it worse by adding a chemical dependency. Rutting humans that use synthetic gou-shi to solve problems. In turn, it only causes more problems, because those people end up addicts to the meds, and become a health risk.

Boy, humans are such logical creatures, looking at things in that way. Can't fix something naturally, or properly, so they dope the patient up. Yes, I know that demons also have been known to use artificial fixes, but I've yet to actually see a youkai addict. No medication to be hooked on, but I have seen mechanical limbs. It's pretty awesome, when you think about it.

Oh gods, not to mention those resuscitation pods! From the word of another demon to me, those pods could revive a person and bring them up to health. I don't know why exactly, but they seem to only use that in extreme measures. That, and is only exclusive in territories where these older rulers used to be. Such a shame, though, that it wasn't used as openly; Otherwise, that technology would do well in the war against shamans. Those choices aren't mine, however, and there's little I could actually do to help the youkai side.

Other than thinning the ranks of those shamanic amoeba's, that is. Every one of those pieces of scum that I get rid of, the easier it is for my 'kind' to gain some kind of advantage. As long as they don't use this as an opportunity to relax, thinking I would handle things long enough by myself. No, there's no way they'd actually go about doing that. It's an action most likely in humans. Lazy, selfish, monstrous, sacks of flesh.

Great, these thoughts are getting me riled up. That was something I had attempted to avoid. It was the purpose of going out for a shag, and all that great stuff. It's only been little over a year; I shouldn't be used to the method, to the point of it's reactions wearing off quicker, already. Though, I suppose it's always possibly that I'm just getting mentally riled for the simple reason of those shamans being brought up, despite the exhaustion. Which means it's time for a change of subject!

Er, what haven't I gone over yet, though? Oh, right, I almost forgot! Over the days that I hadn't written anything down in here, I jotted snippets every day over what I could remember from those dreams. There are actually a few that I've gone through, so maybe that would be an improvement. Who knows? This could actually be some ability, instead of strange dreams. Humans with heightened spiritual abilities have been known to receive prophetic visions in their sleep. I can't wield pure energy in attacks, or anything like that, like all of the other demons. If it wasn't for the fact that I could handle Makai, and also had a second form with blue skin and a tail, I'd start thinking that I wasn't demon either.

Maybe, in actuality, I haven't been able to do so because I really wasn't strong enough. Those youkai I met before had claimed I was pretty strong for my age, considering those accomplishments. Maybe it's time to take those as pretenses instead.

Bah, back to the dreams, instead of the pity-fest.

As you probably have been able to guess, the train sequence came up over the week. Not as long, but definitely more vivid. Sound remains out of the scenes, but the smell and pain are coming through. It's strange that I'd feel so much pressure in my back, as if something really had landed there, or thrown my across a distance. There was also taste, which was nice in some ways. A little blood, from having accidentally biting my cheek, I'm guessing, but something better. That kiss I mentioned? Well, the redhead definitely had a sweet mouth. It's possible that I found it sweet for other reasons, because it didn't actually seem to be from what he had consumed lately. It'd gotten so vivid, a couple of days ago, I woke up with an actual bruise showing under the glamor charm. After that, it hadn't appeared again; Not last night, nor the day before.

The other dreams were so much shorter, however, and no where close to the level of realism as the train sequence. While one had that 'incoming' feeling to it, the others were like short glimpses of badly recorded events. Really bizarre, honestly, which would be due to the fact that I couldn't understand what they meant.

First, let's get to the one that reminded me of those Colosseum fights you see reenacted in human films. While really foggy, and blurring with the backgrounds, the shape and appearance of a stadium from the fighting grounds still came to mind. That sentence didn't make much sense, but that's what I was able to make out in there. The rest... It was like a dome of fog and lightning. It cleared some, and started to show two figures. One was a small person, who was possibly a demon, while the other had to be one of the most gorgeous men I've seen; Youkai and human. That silver hair, golden eyes, and cut body... Alright, I couldn't see how cut he was, or if he really was a he, but I was going on instinct here. Those eyes were probably the clearest thing in the whole vision. Ancient, but also clouded in secrets. How I could tell, I'd never guess, but that's what I was able to conclude. Just as the figure started to come into focus, the vision sadly ended. All of it, though... It felt like it had happened already. More like an old memory, or constantly copied scene from a show, than anything else. No sound, smell, taste... Nothing but sight, which was barely enough to use for confirmation.

The other had more action in it, but held the fuzzy memory feeling to it. Two beings, and what looked to be a young girl. On the other hand, it was also much shorter, and paused with the last 'scene,' if it were from some movie. The girl, what looked to be a large lion with wings, and an angel completely in white, landed on this unusual golden circle of light. Stars, a moon, a sun, and symbols of some language; Either Chinese or Japanese. They were all on this circle, and around them... I couldn't tell. The scenery was far too blurring. Would a giant blue penguin-ish thing, with a crown on its head, even make sense? I don't think so, but there's nothing else to describe the giant blur as. Behind them, though, I could tell no matter how blurry everything was. That was definitely a full moon, and by the gods... I've never seen it look so large.

Thing is, I don't understand the purpose of these dreams. Aren't 'dreams' supposed to be messages from the subconscious, telling you and getting certain issues out so you're aware of them? Which means, when you do remember a dream, there's meaning behind it... Right? Then what's the purpose of things I never really cared for, with the after-feeling of an old memory that belongs to someone else?

Thinking about it all is giving me a headache; A strange one, in fact. It's right in-between my eyes, up on my forehead. As if something was starting to push its way to the surface, then decided to pull back once again. How that works, I don't know, considering the fact that I know the brain itself holds no nerves to process 'pain.' It's too hard to explain, and now I'm getting even more exhausted than I had planned. This will make things difficult tomorrow. Ah well, night... Write in ya tomorrow, as it'd be the night before that rutting train ride.

Adieu,  
_Aya_

  
September 5th  
Entry #12

Let me tell you right away that this had to be one of the strangest days ever. Considering who, and what, I am, that's really saying something. A few days ago, I put how I was going to expand my search, if the rain stopped. Well, it did, and I went along with my word.

What I didn't expect was that everything would have been skewered out of normal bounds. I know that I'm not the smartest person in the world, not by a long shot, but there are some basics everyone should know. Unfortunately, the finer details have been lost to the modern magic world. Not to everyone, mind you, but the majority. Now a days, people use similarities on how magic is used, not realizing how close they are to the truth. Which is kind of sad, considering how much work it must have been to realize the webs of reality, and how magic flowed along them. I thought I knew, not only the basics, but all that we could know about the subject. With today's events, before you sits a very confused little demoness, who still has no way to actually understand what had happened.

See, how I've basically learned it, is that reality is 'spun' with webs intertwined with each other. Each set similar, but it's own completely. I don't think it's possible, so there could be a barrier keeping someone from taking an element from one web, and sticking it in another. Naturally, they can interact and influence one another, but they aren't upon the same 'webs.' Magic even has it's own web, with the threads set in certain ways around the world. In order to use magic, it has to be used within those thread lines. It's basically what keeps wizards from using it to distort reality in itself, though there are situations where they could bend those lines just a little. A wizard's form of apparating is grabbing hold on some of the flowing magic, and letting go right away when reaching the destination. It's the whole reason for them having to wait for a certain age, training, and then an actual test, before being allowed to take such a direct form of travel. Portkeys are similar, but instead of the being latching on to the thread, it's a certain item chosen to link on and carry the passengers to their chosen destination.

This is why I don't understand what had happened in today's events. Having gone to some of the hotels, where that strange energy was sensed lately, I found them having already been dissipating. Instead, it felt like one of the presence's had been about in the air, where no one could see them. Almost like a ghost, in fact. Personally, I don't like ghosts, due to how messy so many have been. That's not the point, however. The whole day was off, in one way or another, which didn't do well for my mood.

Back to the events, though. I had even went to the hotel's front desk, just like the establishments nearby. It's stupid that they think it's against the privacy policy. What if I actually had an important message, and in order to relay it to the person, I had to make sure that I was in the correct hotel? With such a rude refusal, the man could've ruined the world for all he knew! Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but considering how the world really is, how many times has the planet been in extreme danger? It's a surprise we weren't all annihilated. These people held no appreciation for those who've saved their asses too many times to count. Not that I'm one of those people; far from it, actually, but they don't know that. Naturally, I gave up and left the place, with a nice loud comment about rats in the hotel. That had to drive away, at least, a few incoming customers. Gods, I can be such a brat when put in the wrong mood. If that really was their hotel, then I'd have to admit that the strange sources of energy had great taste, and deep pockets.

Due to the residue that could only have been left by some powerful beings, I was almost certain that they were spending the time there instead of all the other hotels in the city. With the days of rain, the people had to stay in their room, which makes the leftover signature grow in concentration. That way, even if they left for a day, there's some 'after-taste' of the group. With the various 'flavors' that identified a single person, I easily determined that there were several males; Males, because I've been around enough guys to tell the difference between females. Maybe there was at least one female, but the masculine scent overpowered the feminine far too much.

Now, the only reason why I was able to tell the difference to all these other beings in the city... That's the fun part. The strengths of these people- It was amazing! No need to strain and pick them apart. It was like a roman candle in some Feng Shui shop of those elemental candles. While they burn normally, you could imagine how the roman candle is in comparison. Did they attract any unwanted attention from their energy, or am I just lucky enough to sense the potency? It's always possible that everyone didn't notice, and these people knew that because of how ignorant westerners have become over the years. Not that I'm any better, but with so many lingering signatures, and the potency... It's just so unusual. Unless this really was a normal occurrence, then the whole day has only confused my poor mind.

Continuing on with the day, after having left the hotel, I wandered around. Not really paying attention to the final destination, but following the whims that came up. If I wanted to turn left, I turned left, and if I turned right... Well then, I don't need to explain that, now do I? There wasn't much choice, considering I had no idea on where to go at the time.

Unfortunately, that only ended up with constant wandering, without fruition. Yes, there was this one area where I had passed by someone who looked familiar, almost like the redhead in my vision, but seemed to out of place. That kind of 'out of place' that you'd see with those who are supposed to be there, and without the choice but to be in something so unusual. In this case, it was a white suit. That, and I think he had glasses on; It's a bit fuzzy to remember the details. Thanks to that headache from remembering the visions, it's a bit difficult to focus on everything today.

The day didn't really have much progress past that. The twisting continued for a good part of the evening, and the day was just event-less. Staying up extra late to write out those visions and such really wore me out, thanks to the other activities before that. So naturally, I returned to the Leaky Cauldron, to relax. After a nap, which had me waking up in another daze, I went around Diagon alley once again. Not for a particular reason, but it was nice to wander aimlessly.

I think there was some squabble in one of the stores at that time. Pity, considering the weather. These poor blokes are drowning in rain over the season, and the day that they get to dry off, they start fighting. Now, while not having stayed, or attempted to find things out, I did hear from the others in the alley. With their casual tones, it was obvious these people were used to those fights. It was a 'pureblood' insulting someone that was considered a mudblood. These people really know how to confuse a gal with those terminologies. Simple enough, though, it figures this was something about the history of their blood determining what was considered pure.

It's like that everywhere, it seems. With youkai, they hate it when their kind 'breed' with humans and actually carry along offspring. To me, it really doesn't matter on where a person came from. Of course, save for those from shamans. That would be the only case that I couldn't forgive, knowing the war and what those bastards did. They still put others through the same thing I do, and refuse to take my killing as a hint that they'd be receiving punishment for those choices. Do they think that it would aid their purpose? Thinning youkai numbers by killing the children makes sense, but to take them in, raise them like their own children, and kill them at the age of 15... It makes practically no sense at all. An inexplicable perversion of the rules, thinking their choices wouldn't be turning around to bite them in the ass.

With this history, on what they did, it's poetic justice that I came around and started slaughtering them all. Torturing, raising, then killing demon children, and expecting no repercussions, was a foolish thing. Kill, and expect to be killed at some point. What those monsters did only increased the hatred between our two kinds.

Heh; Kill and expect to be killed. You must think that I don't think the same. No, I don't plan on living a full life, or even to what a youkai could consider middle-aged. If I die for these actions, then so be it, but that doesn't mean I won't go down without a fight. Especially now, when I have this feeling in my chest that there's something I must do first. Something is almost willing me to continue on, and refuse death, till that 'task' is completed. Whatever it is, I have yet to figure out, but have a feeling that I will know when it does come around.

It'd be amazing if I lived to the age of 20, actually. If life was something represented by candles, just like what I read in poems, then my wick must be incredibly short and fast burning. Now, I don't mean to turn angsty, but this is something I should be looking towards, right? Sure, it's depressing, and I'd honestly rather not go through those emotions right now, but it can't be avoided forever. All of these years, I was reminded that I was nothing, and stayed in a basement when not improving my adoptive sister's status, and going to school. Now, in a year, I've accomplished more than those sons of bitches had imagined. Not only killing them, but continuing on with the shamanic slaughter, to the point that I reached Japan. Then, I actually was able to visit the realm I was supposedly from, and learn a little more from that. Now, I'm here, getting ready to head to this Hogwarts place with the spear, Nekheny, and a chance to learn a lot more.

Despite that, I never really lived, did I? Everything was for this vendetta against those people, and never to celebrate my freedom to it's fullest. I went through mountains, but never climbed them, or spent time in a ski lodge drinking hot cocoa. Never a day at the beach, sunbathing, and taking a dip into the ocean. On the other hand, with a lack of confidence on my glamor charms, I wouldn't want to be caught in a bathing suit anyways. That, and I've never really took to the cold back in New York, so a skiing trip wouldn't do much good either.

Alright, apparently I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself, even if I tried. Gods, why does this have to be so difficult!

Sure, people would say that my flings with these strangers would count as enjoying my freedom. Thing is, it really isn't, because the reason is for expending energy, and to avoid pain. Not because I really enjoy the person's company, know them, or want to be with them for a while. It's just that they looked good, knew how to bath, and were willing enough.

Those other teens back in the alley seemed happy. Just walking around, window shopping, and chatting with each other. I think they were all friends with each other, and not lucky strangers whom crossed paths. They were relaxed, with the only worries of school, boys, and pimples, on their minds. I'd never be so relaxed, but while it'd be really unusual, part of me wants to try what they were doing. Being with friends, and enjoying each other's company for a little while. Alright, I'll have to actually try to make friends to try that in the first place, but that doesn't change the fact that I want it.

Maybe it is, in actuality, too much to hope for. To survive, and go as far as I have... Maybe I should be content with what I have gone through already. It doesn't seem fair though, I want more than that. Selfish, sure, but it's expected. I don't care about the age I die at, but with so much unaccomplished in that time, where people have done so on a casual day... It'd be like I never actually lived in the first place. I'm only 16, and should be having the worries and life of the others in this realm. Not being one of the many victims in a war, to turn violent and go on a killing spree, and end up in a wizards school. It's too bizarre, and I just...

It's wrong, and also the right thing for me to do what I am, but that doesn't mean that I'm content with this life. I know what I'm doing is good for the balance, but I don't want it. That doesn't change the fact that this is how things are, and what I wish happened is only a dream. Others would probably say that I have to make the best out of what I have, but it feels too hard to do so. Anything that would be considered fun, I've tried when younger and was punished, because it wasn't my place. I was considered below everyone, and shouldn't have tried to be on equal ground as my 'sister' and the other kids that I knew from school.

This is depressing me too much. If it were possible, I'd probably be crying right about now. So, that means I need a sharp change in subject. Like... Plans, and dreams. Those work out quite well. Quite well indeed. Just need to work on what I plan... Oh, right. I'm a bit of a fool, forgetting that already.

Tomorrow is the big train ride, where I'll see if the dreams really were visions. If so, then I get to deal with treating bruises and bitten cheeks all over again. What joy... After the train ride, I'll be sorted into the right house, and head to bed. Though, of course, I'll be writing and catching up on everything within these pages before going to sleep for the day after. Seriously, I hope that I don't need to worry over stupid roommates. Anyone who snores will find themselves splattered across the nearest wall. Well, their ghosts will find the remains of what used to be their body splattered upon the wall, at least.

That had to be some of the shortest plans set forth. Dreams foretelling part of the day really ruins that segment of this entry. Segment? Almost sounds like a variety show with that word.

Now, having learned about the sorting, I've been hoping for other things. Like that hot redhead, who was in the train dream, turns out to be in the same house that I end up being in. Obviously, I couldn't tell if he was new or not, but if we turn out to be house mates, then that would be very spiffy. Who wouldn't want to be in the same 'house' as a guy who would easily win an award for the most attractive. With the long hair, though, they may accidentally put the poor student in the female's section, and still win. That'd be embarrassing, though amusing at the same time. So, naturally, I have no idea which I'd rather have happen, should it even be possible.

My dreams took the strangest of tolls, and I have no idea what they mean. Forgive the vagueness, but I just can't solve this puzzle. Straightforward dreams were simple enough, like the train ride going on, but symbolism has to be my weakest recognition point. There are a bunch of different fields, separated by what look to be gates, but out of strings made out of strange light. Walking along the gate, well, on top of it, I noticed something after passing the 4th field. Just about all of them are being blown by the wind in the same direction. All, save for a single one, where the long grass seems a little more dead. It's strange, I never had to deal with such a conundrum.

I suppose it'll just have to wait for another day. If someone turns out to be extremely good at figuring out dreams, I'll put on the charms to have them answer. Just sweet talk, and bring up the dream, asking if they're able to crack the code. If not, then it'll be trashed; Simple as that.

Now that I think about it, there really weren't any other dreams that hadn't been covered. The ones that felt like a badly recorded memory repeated themselves. Other than that, there weren't any other sequences at all. It's a shame, as I was hoping my subconscious, at the least, could be somewhat exciting in this dull period of time. I mean, stuck studying for all that time, with only the hopes of finding out about shamans to excite me. Okay, not just that, as there were guys in the city as well.

So, with nothing left to jot down on paper, that concludes tonight's session of sleep deprivation. It's about an hour or two after midnight, I gather. Which means there's around 5 hours of sleep for me, with everything packed up. Just need to load it up into some taxi, and head over to Kings Cross Station, and relax on a train till things go bump. What fun...

Adieu,  
_Aya_


End file.
